Q: I met my husband 5 years ago. We married last year and had a baby after much convincing on my part. Now, he ignores me, never makes time for me or our son and we rarely have sex, maybe once every few months. Recently, an old boyfriend contacted me, telling me he'd made a mistake and wants me back. He knows I'm married -- it’s like he knows I'm unhappy, despite my efforts to convince him I'm happy. He is promising me happily ever after, for me and my son. Why does my ex want me when my husband ignores me? Why does my ex want to make me happy, make my son's life amazing, and my husband seems not to care? I love my husband, but now that my ex has pointed it out to me, am I making a mistake by staying married?
--Unhappily Ever After
Dear Unhappily Ever After,
Girlfriend, guys are hunters whose pursuit for prey takes precedence over even winning their prize! You're a challenge to this cad who's already walked. Good riddance, dude! He knows you're miserable, and you're coyly and dishonestly encouraging him because of your own self-serving needs.
Hubby felt conned into fatherhood, and he avoids sex so he won't be conned again. Instead of looking to fly to Neverland, put your efforts into your marriage, with counseling. If your spouse refuses to go, make the trek yourself. My Gilda-Gram advises,
"Discard your junk before deciding to switch houses."
Otherwise, any new relationship will find you buried beneath the same heap of rubbish.
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About: Dr. Gilda Carle is the media’s Go-To Relationship and Lifestyle Expert, serving private clients worldwide at www.DrGilda.com. She has conducted Relationship Wellness training for Columbia University Medical Center, and hosts TBN TV shows. As President of Country Cures® at www.CountryCures.org, she uniquely applies Country Music to train Homeless Female Veterans in Civilian Success Skills. She has served as product spokesperson for Hallmark, Harlequin, Sprint, Cottonelle, Galderma Pharmaceuticals, Match.com, etc. She is a keynote motivational speaker, Management Consultant, Professor Emerita, and author of 17 books, including “Don’t Bet on the Prince!” (test question on “Jeopardy”) and “How to WIN When Your Mate Cheats” (literary award winner from London Book Festival). She wrote the weekly “30-Second Therapist” column for the Today Show, the “Ask Dr. Gilda” column for Match.com, and she was the therapist in HBO’s Emmy Award winner, “Telling Nicholas,” featured on Oprah. She hosted MTV Online’s “Love Doc,” and was the TV host for Fox’s “Dr. Gilda” show.