Sunday, February 11, 2018

3 Relationship Killers


Relationship Expert, #DrGilda, discusses #FOMO, #olfactory #sensations, #commitment #avoidance, and mama’s greatest caution: “If he’s getting the milk for free, why should he buy the cow?”  MOOO!!  #LindseyGranger of the nationally televised #ABC TV show, @TheList, did a brilliant job with the pre-interview, the shoot, and the editing.   #MarkOltz did magnificent camera work. Coming from New York, the nation’s #1 media market, I found the same expertise, professionalism, and production quality with Lindsey & Mark. Watch this video and avoid these common relationship killers!!!
https://youtu.be/8BdTEApj5q8

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

My Wife Isn't Educated Enough For Me

*Original Content by Dr. Gilda Carle

Q.
I am a 27-year-old master's student. I recently got married. My wife and I have been together for 6 years. We are the same age. When we were 21, we jumped into our relationship. She is truly a man's dream. She is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. She takes care of me, is sociable and extremely intelligent. She's also foreign and comes from a different culture that is much more conservative than ours. She gave me an ultimatum of marriage or break up. I panicked and we made preparations for marriage.

I am now in school abroad and we are long distance. Her intellect is one thing that attracted me to her, but she never graduated from college. Not only are we from different cultures, but also different social classes. I met her while she was waitressing at a restaurant. Now I am off in school in a prestigious program and have my ego stoked everyday by the faculty and visiting lecturers. Being apart from her is difficult, but I am also being confronted by girls who have a high education and the sort of job prospects that make for a more intriguing future.

I do try to remind myself that her lack of education does not reflect her intellect. Indeed, she is smarter than most of the people I meet at school. I do wish she had more opportunities in her life. I am aware that I sound like an elitist jerk, but I'm feeling riveted by girls that can have a conversation about world events, politics, and history. She knows nothing about these things. What should I do? 

—Scholarly Husband

A.
Dear Scholarly,

So you married your wife because you feared you’d lose her. Was leaving her at home while you went abroad to school a form of revenge? Now the “elitist jerk” on campus suddenly feels shame that his mate’s credentials don’t match those of his new friends. Who are you trying to impress, hubby?

While you’re becoming educated in “world events, politics, and history,” you need schooling in matters of the heart. Sorry, but you won’t get 3 credits for this course of discovery. If your goal is to drape someone’s status on your arm to assist your upward climb, perhaps a more superficial partner would suit you best. 

—Dr. Gilda

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Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Should I Hope For The Best, Or Cut My Losses?




*Original Content by Dr.Gilda Carle

Q.


I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. He is great but he travels from weeks to months at a time for his job. When he leaves, our relationship always takes a negative twist where we lose communication and fight, leaving me at home lonely and depressed. Although I think that he could be "the one," and he makes pretty decent money, how much time away is too much to have a good relationship? If I can't handle it now, will I be able to deal with it in the future when or if we have kids? He will miss holidays and birthdays and have no set schedule. How important should a job be to the future success of a relationship? I need a partner who will be there for me, physically and emotionally. Should I hope for the best, or cut my losses? 

—Want It All

A.


Dear Want It All,

The hysterically funny movie “Mom’s Night Out” will give you a true glimpse of motherhood’s demands. You’ll watch a mother’s stress over her husband’s travels, but you’ll also learn that a mom’s striving for perfection is what will do her in.

Girlfriend, you have a “great” guy who’s financially rewarded for his extensive travel. Creating arguments to manipulate his staying home is no path to love. Only a self-assured woman could be with a traveling spouse, and perhaps you need someone regularly by your side! Sister, if that’s the case, find a better match. 


—Dr. Gilda



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Tuesday, October 17, 2017

I'm In Love With My Best Friend, And Others Disapprove



*Original Content By Dr. Gilda Carle

Q.


I am recently (three months) divorced and I have fallen in love with my best friend. He is divorced about a year and he feels the same. We have been friends for 25 years. While our feelings for each other didn't cause our divorces of long-term marriages, in the past few years, we've spent more time together — as friends — but I think it awakened us to how misfit we each felt in our relationships. When we each turned 40, we decided to make changes in our lives.

We both have teenage children and some very close family (parents, siblings). We've started appearing in public together as a couple, but the disapproval is strong — not for each of us as people, but because it looks like something was going on before the divorces and that's what caused them. I know I didn't leave my husband for him, and I feel lucky to have found love again. Should we put it on hold for the sake of appearances, or do we tell them life is short and we're happy? Help! 

—Best Friends & Lovers

A.


Dear BF&L,

Who’s running your lives? My book, “Don’t Bet on the Prince!,” distinguishes between internally controlled people and those who are externally malleable. For externals, onlookers always have something to say — once you give them a bullhorn!

To put your romance on hold, or even respond, “for the sake of appearances,” invites further judgments. Instead, show who you are and what you deserve by following this Gilda-Gram: “Praise and blame are both the same.”



Internally-directed people ignore both! Smile at objections, as though you never heard them, alter your body language, and change the subject. Commentators will either get it, or get going. Either way, you’ve learned the valuable lesson of asserting your power. Congrats! 


—Dr. Gilda

Friday, September 29, 2017

Help! Seeing My Boyfriend's Son Makes Me Jealous Of His Past


*Original Content by Dr. Gilda Carle

Q.

My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year now. We moved in together after dating for four months. I believe he is my soul mate and I want things to work with us. He has a past that is hard for me to get over. He was previously married for about three months and has a son with her. I try to get along with his son (who is 5). He has medical issues and is hyper, and I dread seeing him every other weekend because it makes me think of my boyfriend’s previous life. The worst part for me is thinking he had everything with someone, and I'm jealous of that. My boyfriend is thinking about ending the relationship because I keep rehashing my jealousy. I feel horrible for even being jealous. What can I do to get past this so I can build a relationship with his son and we can be a family?

 —Feeling Insignificant

A.

Dear Feeling Insignificant,

Girlfriend, why are you taking your personal beef out on an innocent 5-year-old? Does your guy give you a hard time because you’re not as virginal as newly fallen snowflakes? You say your boyfriend “is thinking about ending the relationship because [you] keep rehashing [your] jealousy.” Who would blame him? No healthy person wants to live with someone constantly haranguing him over a past he can’t change.

Seek counseling. In the meantime, list the things boyfriend loves about you. When you’re together, focus only on those things. Remind yourself that he’s with you because he wants to be. And remember that it will be your present behavior that will sabotage getting “things to work” in your future!

 —Dr. Gilda

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