NEVER-Ask The Question: “Why didn’t he call?"
SHOULD-Ask Question: “Did he say he’d call? (I was so busy, I forgot.”)
To be successful in love, the first thing you must do as a Single is be passionate about life at the time when you have no partner. Become thoroughly immersed in your friends, the courses you’re taking, the books you’re reading, your tennis game, your gardening—or whatever. Men are able to do this so much more successfully than women.
A woman who is interested
becomes very interesting.
Being an interesting person is a necessity because of the abundance of well educated, attractive, available, and hungry potential partners seeking each other. If you want your unique qualities to be perceived as special, present yourself as a special jewel.
It’s human nature for a person to want someone who is different, refreshing, and unique from the pack. When you are immersed in the activities that turn you on, you yourself become a turn-on. Then, an interested man will have to work to divert your attentions toward him. That may take some doing.
As I write this, I can’t help but think of the George Clooney marriage to Amal Alamuddin. She is a woman drastically unlike those beauties in flesh-peddling businesses he had dated for years. Amal is an internationally reputed human rights attorney, without enhanced body parts or semi-nude photos. She has a conservatively “confident and stylish presence,” as People Magazine describes her, and an obvious abundance of grey matter.
When a man makes the investment of time and effort to win a woman’s heart, after he has achieved his goal, he appreciates the prize he’s won—and he very much wants to keep his commitments to her. That’s basic psychology.
But even within this realm, men and women have different perceptions of time. When a guy tells a woman, “I’ll call you,” he means, “I’ll call you after I’ve taken care of the things I need to do.” In contrast, a woman takes a man’s words literally, and she waits anxiously until he really does dial her digits—or, at least, emails or texts her.
For many Single women, there’s nothing more depressing than having no message on their voice mail or text. Therefore, if a woman is not excited by her own life, she buys into the man’s promise to call, and makes it her reason for living. I bet that wasn’t the case with the woman George Clooney married. She’s a busy attorney, who would not have time to wonder why he may not have called. This woman would not have given away the independence that obviously turned him on in the first place.
We become more attractive when
our availability is scarce.
This is not to say that you should engage in playing games. In fact, I strongly advise against any sort of game playing. However, what you MUST do is really become absorbed in the passions you love, just because you want to be involved with them. These, not a partner, should be your life’s goals. Then, when the phone does ring, you will be surprised by that someone you had been too busy to even miss! Better still, that person will be more intrigued by you because you have such an exciting, independent life! That’s surely what turned on one of the most eligible bachelors on our planet, George Clooney.
About: Dr. Gilda Carle is the media’s Go-To Relationship and Lifestyle Expert, serving private clients worldwide at www.DrGilda.com. She has conducted Relationship Wellness training for Columbia University Medical Center, and hosts TBN TV shows. As President of Country Cures® at www.CountryCures.org, she uniquely applies Country Music to train Homeless Female Veterans in Civilian Success Skills. She has served as product spokesperson for Hallmark, Harlequin, Sprint, Cottonelle, Galderma Pharmaceuticals, Match.com, etc. She is a keynote motivational speaker, Professor Emerita, and author of 15 books, including “Don’t Bet on the Prince!” (test question on “Jeopardy”) and “How to WIN When Your Mate Cheats” (literary award winner from London Book Festival). She wrote the weekly “30-Second Therapist” column for the Today Show, the “Ask Dr. Gilda” column for Match.com, and she was the therapist in HBO’s Emmy Award winner, “Telling Nicholas,” featured on Oprah. She hosted MTV Online’s “Love Doc,” and was the TV host for Fox’s “Dr. Gilda” show pilot.