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Friday, November 22, 2013

CAN CHEATING BE A LOVE REMEDY??

CAN A MARRIAGE BE SAVED WITH EXTRAMARITAL SEX? 
CAN A CHEATER RENEW HIS CRUMBLING MARRIAGE? 

Dr. Gilda’s “30-Second Therapist” column for this week.

This week, one reader says she can't stand physical contact with her husband and she's resorted to cheating on him, while another reader just learned her husband cheated on her. Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle cuts through the fluff with her love advice in TODAY.com's "30-second therapist" series. 

Q: I have been married for seven years. I hate having sex with my husband and I don't know what to do. He is a calm and kind man, and everyone likes him, but the reality is that I cannot tolerate him touching me. I’ve recently tried to love someone else because I need sex. Do you think I have to end this marriage, or is there any other way for me to rebuild it? —Sexless Siren

Dear Sexless Siren,
As the body’s largest organ, the skin craves touch. You “hate having sex with” your husband, and you “cannot tolerate him touching” you. Yet, getting stokes and strokes from someone you’re “trying” to “love” is all right? Get real!! You apparently fear the closeness of a consistent partner, but to answer your skin hunger, you’re confusing sex and touch with love.   

You ask if there’s any other way to rebuild the marriage. Lady, you can’t reconstruct your relationship while romping in another’s bed! Heed this Gilda-Gram™: “Building love requires emotional presence.” Unless you’re prepared to fully commit to your “calm and kind” man, do him the favor of bowing out!

Before you have a recurrence of rationalizing ill-founded “love” to warm you, master the concept of relationship give and take. —Dr. Gilda

Q: My husband of two years recently cheated on me. He told me the day after it happened. He said he would work hard to earn my trust back and he thought the other woman was what he wanted, but now he knows he was wrong. I'm hurt and angry, and so lost. I want to work things out, but how do I forgive him? How do we get past this? —Hurt & Angry

Dear Hurt & Angry,
The question before “how do I forgive?” should be “what’s going on?” 
Your will to “work things out” is key. Don’t fret about how to “get past this” right now; trust is proven in behavior, and that will take time. 

Like most women, do you imagine you’re the relationship police? If so, in addition to being angry with your husband, are you angry with yourself for not detecting marital shortfalls? Examine the marriage you had, exchange your feelings and fears, and watch your vulnerability become the glue to your bonding.

Max Lucado’s inspiring new film, “The Christmas Candle,” shows how seemingly impossible miracles manifest—when people want them to. Girl, you’ve both already nailed that part! Let a therapist help guide you toward renewal. —Dr. Gilda   

Want Dr. Gilda to answer your relationship questions? Send them in!

Dr. Gilda Carle is the relationship expert to the stars. She is a professor emerita, has written 15 books, and her latest is “Don’t Bet on the Prince!”—Second Edition. She provides advice and coaching via Skype, email and phone.

Monday, November 18, 2013

CAN YOU "LOVE" SOMEONE YOU BARELY KNOW??


In my last newsletter, when I asked whether to continue these emails every week, I got a resounding YES.  So here’s this week’s “30-Second Therapist”—and more.

***

How can you say you love someone you don’t really know?  Or whose home you’ve never been to after 8 months? I got on one woman’s case because, not only does she not really know her dude, she has already introduced him to her young son!!  How unsafe is that?

Another couple is having problems after being married for only 6 weeks.  I urge them to straighten out the kinks before any more time elapses.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?


***

This weekend, I was part of a Day of Healing for charity.  It was a wonderful high, to counsel so many new clients and to make new friends.






Make all your days HEALING DAYS!
Love,
Dr. Gilda Carle

Friday, November 8, 2013

INTRODUCING: COUNTRY CURES



On the heels of last night’s Country Music Awards comes a concept taking this wildly popular musical genre to another level—as a tool to heal, grow, and thrive.  

New educational non-profit, Country Cures®, combines country music + motivational messages by applying Guitar Strings to Heart Strings. 

At www.CountryCures.org, see this unique technique with just two of the groups the company services: bullied kids and disenfranchised unemployed (especially veterans). 

Country Cures® is doing this work because current anti-bullying programs are actually making kids more violent, and veterans’ suicides are increasing, already up to 22 per day!  Country Cures® combats America’s crisis of hopelessness with skills in self-esteem, conflict management, communication & relationships, and diversity sensitivity—all based on a medical model used in hospitals.

How can we serve you? 

Dr. Gilda Carle
President
Country Cures®, Inc.

979-GROWTH6

Dr. Gilda Carle at www.CountryCures.org is the president of Country Cures®, Inc. The company is an educational non-profit, 501(c)(3) that applies Guitar Strings to Heart Strings. It combines country music + motivational messages for people to heal, grow, and thrive.  How can we serve you?

Friday, November 1, 2013

HIS WIFE WANTS SWINGERS PARTIES, BUT HE DOESN'T!

What a role reversal this is!  In this week's "30-Second Therapist," a man finally decides he must do something about his awful marriage.  Typically, their arguments have been going on for as long as they've been together.  But it's a real role reversal--because HE's the one who rejects threesomes and swinging, and SHE's the one who wants them!!  (For most couples, it's the guy who would like this stuff!!)

How do you like my advice?

http://www.today.com/health/help-my-wife-wants-go-swinger-parties-8C11511693

Dr. Gilda
www.DrGilda.com