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Friday, April 26, 2013

"30-Second Therapist" -- Know Your Power!


Hi, All,

Last week’s bombing news was so awful, we suspended “30-Second Therapist” on the Today Show website to give us time to heal. Thankfully, we are coming back to ourselves, although I continue to mourn the senseless deaths, and the runners and others who are missing their legs!  God help them—and us all!!  I posted about this on my FB fan page: http://www.facebook.com/drgilda, and I welcome your comments.

Today’s two questions SEEM very different, but are actually quite similar:  one woman wants to know why her ex is playing mind games with her, and a rape victim who contracted herpes can’t shake her feelings of filth. BOTH women must reclaim their power!  What do you think?




Know your power—and project it.  It’s the heart of everything you attract and achieve!  Let me know.

Love,
Dr. Gilda



Friday, April 12, 2013

YOU REALLY WANT THAT CHEATER BACK?


from

DR. GILDA
"30-Second Therapist"

Today.com


Hi, Everyone,

In one week, we have two questions from two men who want to win back the hearts of the CHEATING women they THINK they love!  Either these guys are smoking something, or they need lobotomies!  WHAT DO YOU THINK??


I counsel a man who keeps finding one bad woman after another.  It turns out he’s addicted to all the hurt he suffers at the hands of the inappropriate. 
We’ve all got some kind of addiction.  Make yours something positive, like exercise.  It sure beats the pain you’re reading about here!

Have a great week!  And please continue to participate on my new FB fan page:  http://www.facebook.com/drgilda.  I love our spirited discussions.

Love,

Dr. Gilda


Friday, April 5, 2013

MY BF DOESN'T PAY ANY BILLS. SHOULD I LEAVE HIM?

Hi, Everyone,

Could you please do me a very big favor? My team just switched my FB account to a FB Fan Page because I could not accommodate more than the 5,000 friends FB allows.  There are all kinds of restrictions with FB Pages that I didn't have before, and I can't write to anyone, unless they first initiate conversation with me as one of my fans.  I MISS the old features, and I MISS my FB friends.  So could you please VISIT me at www.facebook.com/drgildaSHARE my posts with your friends, and CONVERSE with me?  Thank you!
Love,
Dr. Gilda



Here's the first "30-Second Therapist" question for this week on the Today Show website:  
Q: My divorced boyfriend and I recently moved in together. My kids are 17 and 12. His 24-year-old daughter just got married, and his son is away at college. My concern is that he doesn't pay any bills until there is a disconnect notice, and what little bit of money he has left he doesn't manage well. All my money goes to rent, food, gas and necessities. He sends his son money whenever he asks, without keeping track. They are both overdrawn every month. I love him so much, and he's such a kind man, but this is driving me crazy. He also pays for his daughter's phone and her health insurance, even though she’s 24 and married.  His ex-wife nickels and dimes him to death down to half his co-pays and prescriptions. I've told him many times that he needs to budget his money, and see where he can cut his expenses, but nothing changes. He will never let me control his money.  What do I do?? —Loving at a Loss
Dear Loving at a Loss, 
When two people cohabitate, it’s hoped that one won’t have to “save” the other.  But you’re already “mommying” your guy-with-no-gonads. Since you’re paying the “rent, food, gas and necessities,” there’s no incentive for loverboy to contribute to the partnership.
It’s unlikely bf’s ex and kids will stop bleeding him, and he apparently enjoys feeling like “the man” with them. He further struts his crushed dignity by blocking your “control [of] his money,” and thereby enunciates his sense of worth with you.
You’ve got a whopping relationship problem! “Such a kind man” is really a wuss you’ll soon disrespect.  My Gilda-Gram™ points out, “Loving saviors direct their mates to save themselves.” Either demand equal participation, or find someone more responsible to love. —Dr. Gilda
DR. GILDA CARLE (Ph.D.) at www.DrGilda.com is the Relationship Expert to the Stars.  She recently conducted Relationship Wellness training for Columbia University Medical Center's medical & dental students. She writes the weekly “30-Second Therapist” for the Today Show website, & she was the Relationship Expert for "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" on Investigation Discovery. She is a product spokesperson, motivational speaker, Professor Emerita, & author of 15 books, including "Don't Bet on the Prince!" (test question on "Jeopardy") & “How to WIN When Your Mate Cheats” (literary award winner from London Book Festival). DR. GILDA was the therapist in HBO's Emmy Award winner, "Telling Nicholas," featured on Oprah. She was also MTV Online’s “Love Doc” & the TV host for Fox’s “Dr. Gilda Show.” 

Thursday, April 4, 2013

COACH DID HARM TO PLAYERS


Coach Mike Rice Is Fired But Damage Is Already Done To Players







Rutgers University basketball coach, Mike Rice, is finally paying the price for physically and verbally abusing his players, but sadly his young team members will carry lasting scars.

Rutgers University basketball coach Mike Rice, 44, issued a tearful apology after being fired today, April 3, for hitting, shouting, throwing balls at his players and screaming at them using homophobic slurs. It was completely unacceptable and abusive behavior.

Rutgers Fires Mike Rice For Abusive Behavior

Mike Rice was a bully. And luckily for his team members, his behavior was all caught on tape and exposed to the world. Rutgers officials knew about the abuse since Nov 2012 but they only took major action after widespread public exposure and condemnation. It took a public outcry for Rice, who had led the team since spring 2010, to finally loose his job.
Unfortunately, it’s the young athletes who bore the brunt of his bullying, who will continue to suffer from his abuse, long after he is gone. Rice, after all, should have been an inspiring role model for his players. Coaches often develop very close relationships with their players: it’s not unusual for college players to think of their coach, as a surrogate father.
That’s what makes this situation, especially sad. Instead of being trained, inspired and motivated to be the best that they could be, they were abused by their coach in a way that could be deeply damaging to their self esteem.
“These college kids were being put down at an age when their self esteem is already shaky. They need people supporting them, building them up and not tearing them down,” explains celebrity relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle, the "30 Second Therapist" at Today.com. “This could have far-reaching affects. The experience could really erode their confidence and that’s not what parents send their kids to college for.”
"And it's certainly not why student athletes  play sports." Rutgers University basketball players were on the team of course, to improve their skills and lead their college to victory.

Rutgers Basketball Players Needed Motivation, Not Derision

"What they needed was constructive instruction and positive motivation. Not to be pummeled by basketballs thrown at their bodies and heads, by the coach they should have admired and trusted."

Monday, April 1, 2013

DEAR DR. GILDA


Readers, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried!
Q: I don't want to be alone, but I can't stand living with a man! When I just want to be alone and have had a bad day, the guy I’m dating is always thinking it has to do with him. I get the question, "You’ve been distant with me. Is it me?" These constant questions make me feel like he’s very self-involved. I seem to date a lot of guys like this, and it makes me want to be alone. The guys are always helpful, loving and faithful, which is rare from my past experiences. But I can't stand them always wanting to be together. I need my time. Am I stingy? Am I asking too much? I have never dealt well with living with someone because I really like my space when I need it, and don't want to leave my own home to get it.  Is there something wrong with me? I want to be in a relationship, but I just don't last long in them. —Space Hungry
Dear Space Hungry, As people have differing appetites for sex, they have varied needs for space. It took an architect to identify my requirements for expansion, rather than constriction, and then I observed how it played out, from my living preferences to my signature!
You don’t have to apologize to want alone time. But, girlfriend, anyone involved with someone is obliged to convey her needs and boundaries. You’ve been communicating fraudulently because you don’t want to lose these “helpful, loving and faithful” finds.  Perhaps you’re fearful they’ll reject your wishes, and prove they’re not such prizes, after all. You can’t have it both ways! My Gilda-Gram™ advises, “Expose your clean linen early, and avoid the pressure to disclose your dirty laundry later.” 
—DR. GILDA