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Friday, October 26, 2012

Manipulative In-Law: 30-Second Therapist, Today Show Website


Handling a Manipulative Mother-In-Law 

By 

Dr. Gilda Carle
30-Second Therapist
Today Show Website

Please Note:  A major network is looking for people who overdid some holiday partying and sabotaged their job or marriage. Discuss this on camera—or in silhouette—to sway others against making the same mistake. Interested? Let me know ASAP.

XXX

This week’s stories involve a manipulative mother-in-law, obviously still in bed with Oedipus, and a recently-single woman who worries she’s responding to a same-sex come-on; does this mean she’s gay?


Thanks to you, our questions are always hot.

Keep your comments coming.
Love,
Dr. Gilda

Monday, October 22, 2012

COUPLES COUNSELING GUIDELINES

If your relationship is on the rocks, but you aren't married yet, should you still seek professional help? YES!  As resident relationship expert for Match.com, here's what you need to know before you go.  I also share some of my own personal counseling experiences and what I gleaned.

http://www.match.com/magazine/article/13141/Couples-Counseling-Guidelines/

I'm anxious to hear your feedback!

Love,
Dr. Gilda

Sunday, October 21, 2012

BACHELORETTE: DON'T HURT YOUR DAUGHTER!


Bachelorette Emily: Put Your Daughter Before Your BF


Jef Holm and Emily Maynard Break Up

Emily Maynard — you’re done looking for love on a reality TV show – that’s an order! After two reality dating stints, and two short-term fiances, you need to put Ricki’s needs first — not your spotlight cravings.

Emily Maynard, now that your romance with Jef Holm has crashed and burned, you need to protect your little daughter, Ricki,7, from the public eye from now on.
It’s hard enough on children to watch their single parents date. It’s scary and confusing to have new people come into their lives, competing for their parents’ affections.
But in Ricki’s case, she has only known one parent her whole life because her father died before she was born. Emily, you are Ricki’s anchor. You are her everything.
That is a tremendous responsibility, and you mustn’t take it lightly. Your daughter is deeply attached to you, and so you have to be careful when you introduce new potential “daddies” into her life.
Ricki Wants A Real Daddy, Not Fly By Night Daddies
Bringing new men into Ricki’s life has to stir up a lot of emotions for her. On one hand, she would probably love to have a daddy of her own. But she also probably fears losing you, to a man. After all, she doesn’t really know what it’s like to share her mom.
But it’s even tougher for Ricki than for most children in a similar situation. #1) You’re her mom, and you have had two “fiances” within a very short period of time that you’ve asked Ricki to accept and get close to. Then, #2) You’re doing your romancing on TV in the public eye, and little Ricki has to know about it, hear about it and see it.
Ricki has probably seen you flirting and even kissing different men on TV. That must be so confusing and probably upsetting to her. Plus, her friends and all their parents have probably watched you on TV.
Ricki is just seven years old, and that’s so embarrassing for her. She probably cringes when her friends say that they saw you on TV…especially if they saw you kissing or being intimate with all these men.
Poor Ricki Got Attached To Brad and Jef
So, Ricki has to cope with all the typical conflicting and upsetting emotions that any child of a single dating parent has to deal with, but she also has the pressure of your very public romances, on her little shoulders.
Then there’s the fact that she probably formed some attachments to Brad Womack and Jef Holm. Why wouldn’t she? You as her mom would have encouraged her to like Brad and Jef — after all, you were engaged to them. Brad and Jef both spent time with Ricki — especially, Jef.
Jef was carpooling Ricki to school and was even there for her milestone first day of school this year. “First day of first grade was a success,” he tweeted on Aug. 23. He even got involved in her soccer league. “Today is the big day, my first game as Ricki’s soccer coach. Running thru the playback in my mind”, he tweeted as recently as Sept. 15.
How disappointing for Ricki to get attached to Jef, have him play Dad and then have him leave her life.
Emily — you can’t do this to Ricki again until you have truly found “Mr. Right Forever”, not “Mr. Right for the Spotlight.”
“Children should not be introduced to a new boyfriend until the relationship is serious. The person could disappear and the child will be disappointed as in this case,” agrees psychotherapist, Dr. Gilda Carle, Today.com’s 30 Second Therapist. “It’s too bad. The kids establish ties with these new partners — and all of a sudden, they are not around anymore.”

– Bonnie Fuller

Friday, October 19, 2012

REMAINING--BUT COMPLAINING!!


Do You Remain Just to Complain?

By

Dr. Gilda Carle
30-Second Therapist
Today.com


This week’s Today Show column pushes us to examine this quandary: If a relationship is not enhancing—yes, enhancing—the person you already are, WHY ARE YOU STILL IN IT??  The first e-mailer is in a fog, or, as I tell him, “under a rock,” and the second admits to being “scared to be alone.” 


These “excuses” for remaining only lead to ruin.  Have you ever been there?  I was—but I know better now!!

Please continue submitting your questions for possible use in this column.  And thank you for all your support.

Love,
Dr. Gilda





Thursday, October 18, 2012

SHOULD I SEDUCE MY PAL?



Ask Dr. Gilda-Should I Seduce My Pal?


A woman’s best guy friend doesn’t want to cross the romance line, but she’s not ready to give up!
By Dr. Gilda Carle, Ph.D. 
MATCH.COM

ear Dr. Gilda,
I am a 40-ish divorced mom, and my problem is my best friend. We’ve worked together for six years now, and have been friends for three. He’s the real 40-year-old virgin, never had a girlfriend, and no, he isn’t gay. I told him I’m attracted to him and
Stop investing energy in changing this guy, and begin to change yourself.
would like to see if there could be more than friendship for us, but his response was that he wouldn’t make a good boyfriend. Everyone who knows him thinks he’s just afraid to make any changes to the rut he lives in. We are great friends; we go out to meals and movies, to social events, or just hang out watching TV or DVDs. But I want more. Don’t get me wrong; I haven’t stopped looking for other dating options. It’s just that I’m tired of not getting what I really want, and I don’t give up easily. Is there anything I can do to change this relationship?
– Best Friend

Dear Best Friend,
Why would you want a guy who doesn’t want you? Why would you want a boyfriend who lives in a “rut”? Why would you want someone with obvious social phobias? Is your aim to become another Florence Nightingale, lady pioneer in nursing, as you rescue this man from himself? Wake up! You’re not his nurse or his therapist. Maybe it’s just, as you say, “I’m tired of not getting what I really want, and I don’t give up easily.” It is an abusive game to try to push your so-called “best friend” beyond his chosen boundaries just because you “really want” what you want, regardless of his wants.

And I have to ask you this: If you were to get what you think you want, would you still want it after you get it? Your friend has told you how he feels about having a sexual relationship with you. What part of “I’m not interested” don’t you get?! Imagine the pressure you’d feel if someone were pushing you for sex, and you needed to constantly refuse his advances.

You say, “I haven’t stopped looking for other dating options.” Yet you spend a lot of valuable time with your best friend. Accept the fact that this guy is off-limits, and rearrange your schedule to open up entirely different options.

This is what I suggest:

  1. Stop investing energy in changing this guy, and begin to change yourself. You need to develop sensitivity for others, active listening skills, and respect for people’s needs. Volunteer your time at a hospital where you will meet people with serious needs to be met at once. That will lessen your ego drive.
  2. Curtail the time you spend with Best Friend, and take courses where you will meet guys in activities you enjoy.
  3. Understand this Gilda-Gram: “Manipulation in love can only derail it.” If someone is not into you, find someone who is.
Based on your behavior, my guess is that you’ve been hurt a lot in the past. Accept that an innocent and uninterested friend won’t compensate for your past. Only you can heal your pain. If you need help, consult a therapist.

Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle, Ph.D., has a private practice and is an associate professor at Mercy College in New York. Her best-selling books include Don’t Bet on the Prince!99 Prescriptions for Fidelity and How to Win When Your Mate CheatsPlease visit her website (DrGilda.comand send her your relationship questions.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

TODAY'S GILDA-GRAM

Hi, Everyone,
We attract who we ARE.  DESPERATE people consciously or unconsciously seek PATHETIC partners.  Therefore, if we attract someone who is desperate, what does that say about US???  

For sure, the company we keep defines us!  If you ever want to know a person, assess his or her mate!!!



Love & Healing,
Dr. Gilda

Friday, October 12, 2012

WHEN TO SAY, "I LOVE YOU" --30-Second Therapist, Today.com


When to Say, “I Love You”

By 

Dr. Gilda Carle
30-Second Therapist
Today.com

People often seek out my advice AFTER they commit the “Open Mouth/Insert Foot” faux pas.  Saying “I love you” is one of those instances.  What do you think of this woman’s timing?  Also, how about the other advice-seeker who seems to love her guy during the peaks, but wants to bail during the valleys? 


Thank you for all your feedback; it keeps me grounded!!
Love,
Dr. Gilda


8 BAD HABITS that are GOOD FOR YOU!


Newsmaxhealth.com

8 ‘Bad Habits’ Research Shows Are Good for You



Research shows that many of our so-called guilty pleasures are actually good for our health, say medical experts.
Here are eight “bad habits” that do your body good – as long as you don’t overdo it.

Chocolate: Not only does it improve energy and mood, the antioxidants in dark chocolate make it 25 times as effective as cholesterol-lowering medications for preventing heart disease, says Jacob Teitelbaum, M.D., author of several books, including the just-released "Real Cause, Real Cure." Have a 1-ounce piece of dark chocolate daily.

Salt: The current practice of avoiding this critical mineral is a mistake, Dr. Teitelbaum tells Newsmax Health, and lack of salt can actually cause premature death. He recommends using a good sea salt with iodine for seasoning your food. With our diet having lost almost half its iodine in the last 50 years, iodine deficiency is rearing its ugly head again. And contrary to popular belief, the real culprit in high blood pressure is often not salt intake, but a lack of potassium, according to Dr. Teitelbaum. Have a banana or avocado, both high in potassium, to balance your minerals.

Sunshine: We’re facing an epidemic of vitamin D deficiency. A full 70 percent of Americans have low levels of vitamin D, putting them at risk for heart attack, stroke, and 17 types of cancer, says Dr. Leslie Matthews, assistant professor of surgery at Atlanta’s Morehouse School of Medicine. Part of the problem is that our jobs cause us to spend more time indoors during the day. Another factor is that dermatologists have frightened us away from enjoying sunshine. Forget the sunscreen for 15 minutes a day.

Being lazy: While there’s no doubt that exercise has many health benefits, Dr. Craig Title, a weight loss expert from New York, says it’s not always necessary for weight loss. And for die-hard exercise-aholics, it’s healthy to take a break at times, especially when you are feeling under the weather. Your body talks to you for a reason.

Getting angry: Dr. Gilda Carle, a New York based psychotherapist, says that people who hold in their anger tend to be sick more often. It’s crucial to acknowledge how you feel, identify the source of your anger, and let people know you’re upset. Of course, you want to stop short of behavior that can get you arrested! You should try to channel your anger in neutral or positive directions by writing down your feelings, exercising, or using it as motivation to succeed.

Gossiping: Researchers at Brown University found that 20 minutes gossiping with a trusted friend helps 96 percent of people reduce stress, tension, and anxiety for up to four hours. 

Eating donuts for breakfast: No, you don’t want to do this every day, but a sweet treat in the morning boosts the brain’s level of serotonin, the happy hormone, and some studies show it lowers your appetite the rest of the day. “Serotonin dampens hunger pangs, cuts carb craving in half, and speeds fat-burning by 25 percent for 11 hours or more,” says Dr. Daniela Jacubowicz, author of "The Big Breakfast Diet."

Raising a toast: Drinking beer or red wine in moderation has many heart health benefits. In fact, of the two, beer could even be the better disease fighter, says Charles Bamforth, professor of food science and technology at the University of California at Davis. It contains malt barley, an antioxidant, and vitamin B6 which discourages the buildup of homocysteine, a chemical linked to coronary risk. Besides its healthy phenols, which are antioxidants, red wine contains the chemical resveratrol which helps protect our arteries and has anti-aging properties.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

RIHANNA RAISES MIDDLE FINGER TO WORLD


Rihanna Is ‘Raising Middle Finger To The World’ With New Album, Says Dr. Gilda 


Rihanna


Rihanna
 isn’t apologizing for anything and she wants her fans to know it. In Rihanna’s new album artwork she’s topless with words like ‘fearless, faith and unapologetic’ and now a top psychotherapist speaks to HollywoodLife.com about what this means! 

Rihanna is raising her middle finger to the world
“Rihanna raises her middle finger to the world and says, ‘I’ll do as I please, so screw you.’ It’s interesting that she chose to tattoo the Egyptian goddess, Isis, onto her chest,” 30-Second Therapist for Today.com, Dr. Gilda Carle says. “While Isis is known as protector of the dead and Chris was symbolically “dead” to her while they were apart, she is also known as a friend to sinners and the misunderstood.”

DINA -- GROW UP!!!


Dina — Grow Up!!


Dina Lohan Lindsay Lohan Fight


Dina Lohan
 — you’re a 50-year-old baby, who needs to start acting like a mom, not a party pal, before you ruin your daughter Lindsay Lohan‘s life even further.Dina Lohan — you once again prove why you are the worst mom of the year. It’s ridiculous that you’re battling with Lindsay so viciously –  after clubbing, no less –  that the police had to be called.


#1 WHY were you out partying until 4 a.m. at the Electric Room in the Dream Hotel with Lindsay in the first place? Lindsay is an ADULT, who has been to in rehab for drug and alcohol addiction four times! Why would you go with her to precisely the kind of place where she could fall off the wagon? It’s completely irresponsible for you to enable temptation for her, especially because you were no doubt having a few drinks yourself?
Dina Should Be Keeping Lindsay Out of Trouble, Not Get Her Into It!
As an adult and a mother, you should be the last person that your drama-addicted daughter has such a big fight with that police had to be called.
Dina, YOU, should not be the reason that Lindsay has another run-in with the law, in any way. She’s already been jailed twice and is currently on “informal probation.” Do you really want your daughter to have to end up in court again because you were fighting with her?
That’s a little selfish, Dina. Or should I say — a lot selfish!
Dina Is Sabotaging Lindsay’s Career
You absolutely ARE sabotaging but her sobriety and her career prospects. Every fight, every police incident, will make film producers less likely to offer Lindsay roles- they don’t want the drama and uncertainty about her behavior on their sets!
Dina — you and Lindsay need to be in counseling, the sooner, the better, says Dr. Gilda Carle, The 30 Second Therapist for Today.com. “This is not healthy, especially since there are other children in the house. The other kids will see their mom as competition, not someone to go for advice, support and love.”
Yet, that’s what Lindsay wants from you, Dina. She does want a mom, who is more mature and stable, than she is. If she wasn’t desperate to have a mom, she would have cut off her relationship with you long ago. But she NEEDS a mom. She already doesn’t have a dad. Publicity-hungry Michael Lohan is hardly a father she can count on for support and guidance.
Lindsay Is Desperate For A Real Mother
“Lindsay is crying out ‘Mommy! Be my mommy and not my BFF!” says Dr. Gilda.
Then get yourself and Lindsay into serious ongoing counseling and get ready to grow up and be the real mother that Lindsay and your other three kids need! 

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

"Least Among Saints"

"Least Among Saints" is the story of a veteran of the Iraq & Afghanistan war.  It tells of a man who returned from war severely broken with PSTD, and it poignantly depicts his journey to re-connection, redemption, and love.  I saw the movie at a private screening for the media in New York last night.  I cried at its rawness.  This is a must-see movie!!

Here I am with Marty Papazian, screenwriter/actor/director.  He performed all 3 tasks brilliantly in this amazing film.  Although I've seen his acting before, this work of his is genius.

Please see this movie and support our troops.  Helping our veterans is a personal mission of love for me, as I often provide counseling for veterans' fractured relationships.  I need as much help as possible.  
Thank you for appreciating the seriousness of this work.
Love,
Dr. Gilda


Monday, October 8, 2012

NOT FORGIVING = STAYING ATTACHED!!

On my Facebook account, many people said they agreed with this Gilda-Gram, EXCEPT THAT . . . there's someone in their life who did them wrong--and they can't forget.  

What's the sense of hanging on to that negativity--UNLESS YOU INSIST ON STAYING CONNECTED? Not forgiving only brings YOU down.  And your perpetrator probably has no idea.  So YOU suffer, and YOU invite bad health!   

LET IT GO!!!



Love and Healing,
Dr. Gilda

Friday, October 5, 2012

COUPLES AGAIN? Pattinson/Stewart & Rihanna/Brown


E! Online NEWS/

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart vs. Rihanna and Chris Brown: Which Couple Will Last?

Rihanna, Chris Brown, Robert Pattinson, Kristen StewartKevin Winter/Getty Images; Kevin Mazur/WireImage



I hesitate to call anything "a couple" that involves a grown-ass man using a dashboard as a brickbat for his girlfriend's face—an act that Chris Brown has never really taken responsibility for, in my humble opinion. But I've crunched the numbers on all four of these people for you, and I have your odds, should you be a betting type.
First, let's look at Brown and Rihanna. They are, apparently, getting friendly again, if not merely disrobing each other in the middle of clubs. Brown recently announced that he and model girlfriend Karrueche Tranhad split over his "friendship" with Rihanna—the kind of friendship which involves getting disrobed by the singer at clubs.
So, assuming they're an item, experts are doubtful whether anything lasting or healthy can ensue.
"When she gets under his skin like no other person can, how will he deal with it?" wonders relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle, author of Don't Bet on the Prince. "Has he done enough work on himself? How will he deal with being second guessed or having his buttons pushed by a woman?"
Dr. Gilda says, "Theoretically, he's a more mature man now and he hopefully has some anger control, but the rate of recidivism is very high, statistically. People who have these kinds of violence issues take a very, very long time to get over them."
Assuming Brown's gotten over them at all.
"The jury is still out," echoes Dr. Sheri Meyers, licensed marriage and family therapist and author of Chatting or Cheating. "But the prognosis isn't good."
As for Robsten, that's a different story. Those two are apparently cozy again as well, all matters Rupert Sanders-related apparently forgiven. Well, either that or they just had some dinner, but anyway.
"I give them a much better chance than Rihanna and Chris," Meyers says. "They have got such a foundation between them, they grew up together, they have the same career interests, and hopefully they have each others' back.
"I always look at affairs as opportunities for healing if the couple is willing to do the work."
For Dr. Gilda, the key lies with whether the two have had enough time to work through the motivations for Stewart's cheating in the first place. If we don't know that, we really can't know anything about a future outlook.
"Lying to yourself and lying to your mate does not make for a long lasting relationship," Dr. Gilda explains.
I'd love to hear what you think about these folks. Sound off in comments, or tweet me your own thoughts at @askeanything.

CAN FRIENDS BECOME LOVERS?

Can Friends Become Lovers?

by

Dr. Gilda Carle
30-Second Therapist

Today.com


I get tons of questions about how to advance friendship to love. Friendship is the needed starting point. Yet people like this guy in my “30-Second Therapist” column below are torn!  But he’s got good reason to be: HE’S STILL MARRIED!!!  Duh!

For the rest of you, as my Gilda-Gram points out— 



What do you think of this married dude and his “friend”?


Love,
Dr. Gilda

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