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Monday, April 30, 2012

Mixed Messages: What to Believe!!


Happy Monday!

In this “Ask Dr. Gilda” on Match.com, I plot out how to handle the hot-and-cold lover that’s driving this woman crazy!  Ultimately, only we can save ourselves from drama.  But that’s tough when our emotions are involved . . .


Hope you enjoy my advice!
Love,
Dr. Gilda

Friday, April 27, 2012

Today.com's 30-Second Therapist


Hi, Everyone,
As we usher out the April allergies (Oh, am I suffering!!), here’s my latest edition of Today.com’s “30-Second Therapist.”  It’s titled “I Can’t Stand My Boyfriend’s Kid.” This problem is rampant, and I’m anxious to hear your responses.


Take good care of your health as we glide into May!
All best,
Dr. Gilda

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Biggest Cheaters Live in the Poshest Places!!

The New York Post ran this story today:  Biggest Cheaters Live in the Poshest Places in NY!  This proves that just become some rich cats have money, there's no guarantee that they have integrity or souls!


http://t.co/UlHje5sH 




Who would want a dishonest marriage?  What's the point of love without trust?  I pity people who must drum up excitement outside themselves.  They will eventually learn that their lovers will become as routine as their spouses after a while.  



The trick to love is to enjoy the life you're living with the person with whom you're living it.  Otherwise, your unhappiness will follow you--no matter who you're with!

Friday, April 20, 2012

Today.com's "30-Second Therapist"


Hi, Everyone,
In this week’s Today.com “30-Second Therapist,” a single reader wants to know why men give her the rush, only to drop her.  A married one wants to know why hubby has turned cold to their once hot lovemaking.  As always, my responses may not be what you expect.




So do you agree? I love hearing YOUR responses!

Dr. Gilda

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Katie Couric Dumps BF after Cheating


Katie Couric Dumps BF after Cheating 

from National Enquirer

After breaking up with her boyfriend because of his infidelity, “Katie is doing just great,” her publicist said. “She’s been working hard but carving out time to spend with her daughters, her mom and good friends.”

And a top therapist advises Katie to forget about Brooks’ infidelity.

“Cheating is a slap in the face, but it’s not about age. It’s about the cheater, so Katie shouldn’t take it personally,” New York-based psychotherapist Dr. Gilda Carle told The ENQUIRER.

“Many women look in the mirror and think, ‘I’m getting too old! That’s why he cheated.’ But women like Katie who take care of themselves are attractive to men of all ages.”

XXXX

HEY, READERS, WHAT DO YOU THINK?




Sunday, April 15, 2012

Low-Key Sunday Morning

It's beginning as a cool, dark, and dismal Sunday morning.  Off to Spin class, immediately followed by Body Pump.  Then back to my desk to work.  Looking forward to Nurse Jackie and Mad Men tonight.  There's nothing like a cloudy, low-key, party-less Sunday!  


Plenty of fun to look forward to this week...  Have a great day, All!!
Gilda

Friday, April 13, 2012

Should I Wait for Him to Leave His Wife?


Should I Wait for Him to Leave His Wife?


This week’s “30-Second Therapist” on Today.com asks this question.



A TV producer recently called me “The Judge Judy Therapist.”  Excuse me, but don’t you think I was justified to react as I did in my answer?


I had a lot of hot callers on this topic on KTLA AM 1150 during this last hour agreeing with me.  What do you think?


Keep your comments coming; I love them!
Dr. Gilda

30-Second Therapist on Today.com


Should I Wait for Him to Leave His Wife?


This week’s “30-Second Therapist” on Today.com asks this question.



A TV producer recently called me “The Judge Judy Therapist.”  Excuse me, but don’t you think I was justified to react as I did in my answer?


I had a lot of hot callers on this topic on KTLA AM 1150 during this last hour agreeing with me.  What do you think?


Keep your comments coming; I love them!
Dr. Gilda


Monday, April 9, 2012

HOW TO PREDICT YOUR LOVE LIFE!


Predict Your Love Life with ONE WORD!!

How do you define “LOVE”?  Is it, “I love you as my mother loved my father—before they got divorced”?  Is it, “I love you—as long as you don’t get too close”?  As unbelievable as it seems, your definition of THAT ONE WORD predicts your love life! 

Enjoy my article for Match on this topic. As always, your responses make me smarter and better informed!  

Love—of course,
Dr. Gilda

P.S.:  I adore your comments about my new weekly Today.com "30-Second Therapist" column. Here’s the most recent:  http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/46977397/ns/today-relationships/ <http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/46977397/ns/today-relationships/>

Friday, April 6, 2012

TODAY.COM: IS BAD SEX LICENSE TO CHEAT?

My new Today.com "30-Second Therapist" deals with two juicy issues.  (Yes, these questions come from real people who ask for my advice!)  


http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/46977397/ns/today-relationships/


Do you agree with my responses?  I love hearing YOUR comments!!


Happy Easter!
Love,
Dr. Gilda
www.DrGilda.com

Thursday, April 5, 2012

SHILOH'S THUMB-SUCKING

Brad & Angie's daughter, Shiloh, is almost 6 and still sucking her thumb!  Her parents are concerned.  The National Enquirer said, "Beyond the age of 4, thumb-sucking should be discouraged because it causes both physical and emotional damage," warned New York based psychotherapist, Dr. Gilda Carle.  Other professionals agreed.  












Monday, April 2, 2012

BEING STRUNG ALONG?

ASK DR. GILDA

"Am I Being Strung Along?"



Courtesy of Match.com





Dear Dr. Gilda,
Three months ago, I reunited with a man I'd been engaged to and lived with for three years. We broke up because of our youth and inexperience. Shockingly, our relationship was rekindled after being matched up by a dating service! We have had a lovely time together since our reunion. A month 

He said he has to refinance his home in order to buy me a ring.
after reuniting, my sweetheart said he doesn't want to waste any more time. He wants to get married and start a family (we are both in our late 30s). He suggested we take a honeymoon overseas after a small marriage ceremony. I happily agreed.


Now, my boyfriend still wants to go on the vacation but isn't ready to be married first. He said he has to refinance his home in order to buy me a ring. He suggested that we continue as planned with the honeymoon, even though it would come before the wedding, which would be a few months later. I did not consent or disagree. I told him that having a fancy ring wasn't a priority. We both have great jobs with great incomes. Should I call off the trip?
Feeling Duped 




Dear Feeling Duped,
Something is not right about this story. Your guy wants to be able to afford to buy you a fancy ring, which you don't even want. Then he wants to take a trip he'll call a "honeymoon," which will come before the marriage, which he's delaying for a while. You're not comfortable with that arrangement. Since you say you both have terrific jobs and incomes, there does not seem to be a plausible reason to postpone the marriage only a few months—except that he may have cold feet! If this is the case, you will return from your trip expecting to get married, only to discover that he's not ready. Going away together on this trip could be fun. But his telling you that you will 

He's enjoying the romance without the responsibility and commitment.
get married a few months later, and then postponing that, would be setting you up for pain.


You say the two of you were immature some years ago when you were engaged and living together for three years. You hoped your rekindling would accompany a more mature mindset. But it seems that this guy is ignoring your desires for a marriage above all else. And you're aiding and abetting him by admitting, "I did not consent or disagree." Neither of you is communicating his/her truth.


What worries me most is that your boyfriend is playing with your heartstrings. It seems like he's in love with love, and he's enjoying the romance without the responsibility and commitment.


This is what I suggest:
  1. Before you do another thing, level with your boyfriend! No marriage should ever begin with subterfuge. Let him know with total clarity how you're feeling. I'm not saying to lay into him and blame him, but it's time to start communicating.
  2. Since you're not happy about going on a "honeymoon-less" honeymoon, tell him you will not go.
  3. Listen intently as you invite him to share his feelings about marriage, commitment, and being ready for this stage of his life. If you hear any wavering, read it as ambivalence.
  4. Depending on what you hear, create a timeline of how you both will proceed next.


You don't need a second breakup with him, but you also don't need a marital disaster. Find out exactly what your fiancé's intentions are before you plunge into an uncertain future. No matter how this goes, you will both be that much stronger for discovering the truth now.



Love,
Dr. Gilda
www.DrGilda.com

Sunday, April 1, 2012

THE IMAGE YOU PROJECT


THE IMAGE YOU PROJECT
ATTRACTS WHAT YOU GET


By


DR. GILDA CARLE (Ph.D.)


Dear Dr. Gilda,
I am a single mom in her 50s with a teenage son spending half the time with me, mostly summers and holidays. Reading men’s profiles, it seems I have more than one challenge to overcome; that is, my age, my status as a single mom, and the fact that I’m looking for someone to share my life with that’d be okay with the fact that I can’t have more children. I have tried several dating services and met a few men, but there was no chemistry. I am attractive and look much younger than my age, I’m educated, professional, and independent with varied interests. I want someone who is like-minded and wants to settle down (and I say that in my profile — is that a turn-off?). Also, I have posted pictures of myself with my son at events — do you think these men are threatened by the idea of having to help parent a teenage boy? I’d rather use my profile to talk about myself and not my part-time custody arrangement in detail, but he is in my life and I’d rather that not be a surprise, either, since I’m looking to marry again. Any advice you can give me is much appreciated.
Remarriage-Ready Rita


Dear Remarriage-Ready Rita,
If you believe that raising a teenage son part of the time is a “challenge,” that’s exactly the vibe you will transmit to your dates. No man with all of his faculties wants a woman with burdens attached. Adjust your negative mindset and project the picture of a life that you are managing and enjoying to potential suitors. Since you can’t fake the feeling of being in control, get the help of a therapist to plot your path to positivity.


The next “challenge” you believe you’re up against is your age. According to you, people 50 and older are all dried up, unappealing and unmatchable. So why don’t we just annihilate that sector of the population? And while we’re at it, we could also throw in extra points for knocking off single moms in that age category. Finally, the fact that you can’t have children any longer should put your entire existence out to pasture! Do you hear how foolish this all sounds? You say, “I am attractive and look much younger than my age, am educated, professional, and independent with varied interests.” Oh, really? Unfortunately, the one trait overshadowing all the others is your awful lack of dating self-worth. If you don’t feel worthy of a guy’s effort, no guy will make the effort. Girl, get ahold of your shattered self-esteem at once!



You say you want to settle down and wonder if broadcasting that is a turn-off. Darling, you can’t think about permanence when your self-image is so shaky. As my Gilda-Gram says, “Healthy love first requires sturdy self-esteem.” So you have homework to do now before considering building a future with any man later.



This is what I believe would benefit you:



•.               Avoid posting photos of you and your son on dating sites. Such images CAN be a cold shower to a prospective partner. A guy is not looking to date your son; he’s interested in dating YOU! Post only pictures of yourself. If a man wants to get to know you further, your son will eventually come with the territory — later, after you and your date have established a meaningful connection on your own. Otherwise, it’s not fair to either your child or your date to force them into a trio when a romantic duo is what you desire.


•.               Your thoughts jump directly to the idea of marriage without considering the intermediary steps required to get there. What’s the rush? S-l-o-w down! You have to get to know someone first, build a solid union, introduce your son into the mix, and then test how everyone gets along.



•.               There is nothing wrong in telling a man you’d like to eventually marry again — but don’t share these intentions during your first communications with someone! Note the difference between “Hi, my name is Remarriage-Ready Rita” and “Hi, my name is Rita, and I’d like to learn what you’re about and discover what we have in common.” Which of these two statements do you think would be more successful when introducing yourself to potential dates? Exactly.


Dating is a waterfall of droplets that seeks its rhythm and pace without intrusion. If you let go, perhaps your 51st birthday present will arrive in the form of a partner worth keeping.
Love,
Dr. Gilda