Friday, February 24, 2012

Open Letter to Rihanna

Expert Opinion: An open letter to Rihanna

Dr. Gilda Carle 
Relationship Expert to the Stars

Dear Rihanna,
You have everything going for you.  But you’re a woman of passion who’s allowing your fire down below to direct you.  Maybe your rational mind—or at least your most rational advisors—are telling you to stay away.  But you’re listening only to your lust, that heat, that is exciting in its off-limits danger.  Here’s the rational low-down on abuse:  abusers lose their tempers, beat their women, and later show remorse.  That’s when make-up sex can be the hottest sex there is.  Clearly, your ex has a temper.  Do you know whether this temper has been tempered over the 3 years you’ve been apart?  Now that you’re together again, you’re about to find out.  I pray that the heat of the moment will be followed by some rational help from couples therapy.  Since you won’t listen to anyone but that fire, let it guide you to a place that can make a healthy relationship work!
Dr. Gilda

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And if Rihanna needs another reason to be wary of Chris, well, this would be it.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Rihanna & Chris Together Again

Rihanna & Chris Brown Are Telling Their Fans, ‘We’re Back Together,’ In The Most Powerful Way They Can — With Their Music

Rihanna and Chris Brown gave what they saw as a birthday present to their fans yesterday — the release of remixes of two of their songs, which tell us why they are so in love again.

It was Rihanna’s birthday yesterday, Feb. 20, and the birthday girl couldn’t wait to make it a special day in a way that no one would ever have foreseen three years ago, after then-boyfriend Chris Brown subjected her to  brutal beating.

But first, Chris Brown tweeted a birthday message to the woman he clearly still loves, “Happy Birthday ROBYN!” to which she replied: “Thanks!”

Then came the big gift — first Rihanna tweeted her remix of “Birthday Cake” with Chris on vocals and then tweeted the remix of Chris Brown’s new single “Turn Up the Music” which she had lent her vocals, too.

The message couldn’t have been clearer to the world: we’re a couple again and we’re saying it in the strongest way that we know how — through our music.

Chris Brown’s mother/manager Joyce Hawkins is absolutely echoing that message.
“Leave those young people alone!!! Let them live their lives and go live yours!!!” she tweeted yesterday, Feb. 20, on Rihanna’s birthday.

Well forgiving and moving on is just fine, but let’s sure pray that this pair has both had enough counseling — individually and together — to truly move on and not end up back in an abusive relationship.

Let’s hope lust hasn’t displaced every shred of common sense.

“They’re both hot for each other. Sexually attracted, it’s obvious that they want to be together again,” says Relationship Expert to the Stars, Dr. Gilda Carle. “And make-up sex is the hottest you can get. But let’s hope that he’s learned in therapy how to control his temper and that she’s learned not to push his hot buttons.”

So the question is: does “making it right” only have to do with satisfying their lust or is it about also making their whole relationship “right”?

For both their sakes — their health and their careers — it better be the whole relationship ?

Rihanna certainly seems to believe so. Her last words on Chris’s song couldn’t be clearer: “I love you baby.”
– Bonnie Fuller

Sunday, February 19, 2012





Courtesy of’s Happen Magazine

“Enough with the emails, already!!  Get off the proverbial pot and ask me out!!”

Dear Dr. Gilda,
I recently started online dating after my 20-year marriage ended. I’ve corresponded with and met many men, but none that could hold my interest — until a month ago, when this fellow responded to my profile and we’ve been emailing since.

I am very interested in meeting this man, but he has not asked me out yet. I think it is very unusual not to meet after a month of corresponding. He’s 50, has never been married, has had three live-in arrangements in 26 years, and recently came out of a relationship. His profile stated that he is looking for an independent woman, a friend to meet occasionally because of a very busy schedule, and that he values “personal space.” He has hidden his profile since we’ve started chatting. We have had a fabulous email exchange and he sent me pictures. I’ve questioned whether he’s ready for a relationship, and he admitted to wanting some time off for now. He said he assumes we’ll meet sometime when “time allows.”

I feel that because he has not asked to meet that he’s just not interested, but why does he even bother to still correspond? Is he still working out some of his issues, or am I living on another planet? I would like the chance to know him better. He answers my personal questions honestly, I think, but I don’t want to push the issue. Besides, I think we should begin slowly as friends. I want to give him space and time, but I don’t want to be a fool either. How much time should I allow before asking that we meet?
Need Some Answers

Dear Need Some Answers,
On screen, it’s easy for a writer to say anything and for a reader to believe she is receiving honest responses. But only over time and through face-to-face interaction will a person discover the truth.

It seems this guy has issues with permanent commitment. Although he’s lived with three women over 26 years, he never “sealed the deal” in matrimony. Is this the reason he “holds your interest?” As my Gilda-Gram says, “People like people like themselves.” If you are reaching out to a “distancer,” it’s probable that you want someone who is not emotionally available due to your own “suddenly single” status and the period of transition you are going through as you adjust to your new life. This is typical behavior for someone recently out of a marriage. Yet, while you may prefer somewhat evasive behavior in a date at this time, you also worry that “he’s just not interested” — it’s also typical to emerge from a lengthy marriage with insecurities like this.

Know that your rational mind is assessing this guy just as he is: not ready for a relationship at this time. He out-and-out told you he wants some time off. Don’t take it personally. You’re doing that female thing that psychoanalyzes a guy as possibly still working out his issues. When you’re dating, it’s important to remember that what you see is what you get.

This guy may be adept at meaningful modem chatter, but he’s not ready to take his e-notes live. He implied that, he told you that, and his history suggests he may never be ready. For now, let it — and him — go! I agree that after enough back-and-forth writing, the next steps are to speak on the phone and then meet. In fact, when a person is interested, he will push for a meeting. Since this man is perfectly content to be your pen pal, you can tell him that you’d like to get to know him better by meeting him. Say that when his schedule does allow, he should let you know. In the meantime, as far as this dude is concerned, your favorite four-letter word should now be, “Next!”
Dr. Gilda

DR. GILDA CARLE (Ph.D.) is the internationally known Relationship Expert to the Stars.  She is’s “ASK DR. GILDA” advice columnist. She is also known as the Country Music Doctor, with her “Country Cures.”  She is a motivational speaker, professor of psychology & communications, the author of the well-known “Don’t Bet on the Prince!,” a test question on “Jeopardy,” NOW IN ITS SECOND EDITION, 99 Prescriptions for Fidelity, How to Win When Your Mate Cheats, and many more. She was the therapist in HBO's Emmy Award winner, "Telling Nicholas," featured on Oprah, where she guided a family to tell their 7-year-old that his mom died in the World Trade Center bombing.  DR. GILDA is the Love Doc advisor for the off-Broadway show, “Miss Abigail’s Guide to Dating, Mating, & Marriage!”  She is currently developing her own TV show.  Visit and get her Instant Advice!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

How Should I List My Status?

How Should I List My Status?


Dr. Gilda Carle

Courtesy of’s Happen Magazine

People often ask me whether to declare themselves “divorced” or “separated” when listing their status online.  Here’s a guy who really wants to do the right thing—but whose status choice is not as crucial to deal with as is his neediness!!

Dear Dr. Gilda,
I’ve decided that online dating is the way to go, but after two years of separation (I am in the military, and my wife is back in the States), my divorce is still not final. I am stationed halfway across the world, and I am at the mercy of her lawyers. I am lonely and need support. I thought I might find someone online who could get to know me, and then when my tour was over, I could get back to dating. By then my divorce should be final.

My question is, “What do I put on my profile?” Do I say “currently separated,” because it’s the truth? I worry that women will see that and assume I am a cheater who is looking for something on the side. Or do I write “divorced?” I have filed the paperwork, and I don’t know when the divorce will be final.

I just need to find someone to connect with and to confide in. I am so lonely here and hope is the one thing that will get me through this.  I just don’t want to screw this up. Please help, Dr. Gilda.
Private Lonely

Dear Private Lonely,
I counsel a lot of military people around the world, and loneliness is one of their most prevalent emotions. While they’re coping with life vs. death, they feel isolated and distant from the world they used to know. They pray they will eventually return in “one piece” and they fantasize about settling into life as they knew it. But life as they knew it is never the same. Many of their marriages fall apart, just as John McCain’s did when he returned to civilian life, and just as yours did, long-distance.

One way to find love that lasts wherever you are is to embrace it without neediness. As my Gilda-Gram says, “We attract not who we want, but who we ARE.”
 Needy people attract other needy people, and with so much need, there is only disappointment.

This is what I suggest you do now:

  1. Definitely peruse the online dating sites, but instead of searching for love, look for friendship first. My Gilda-Gram advises, “Friends first, lovers later.” Right now, you need a pen pal who can offer emotional support and understanding, not a promise of something you may later regret.

  1. Seek several such friendships. As you search, begin to recognize what YOU can offer each of them. Your letter to me is abundant in YOUR needs, but says nothing about what you want to provide someone else. Self-involvement is a sign you’re still hurting from being in divorce limbo. It also proves you’re not ready for love.

  1. Be honest online. The term “currently separated” is not a disease! Since you’re not looking for love right now, your marital status is irrelevant. If a friendship gradually turns to love, hopefully by then your divorce will be final.

It is horrible to feel so out of control. Hopefully, you will soon be home. We Americans thank you for protecting us. Also protect yourself, both physically and emotionally. I hope you have plenty of time to meet those who will be anxious to meet you and can give as well as receive when you return!
Dr. Gilda

DR. GILDA CARLE (Ph.D.) is the internationally known Relationship Expert to the Stars.  She is’s “ASK DR. GILDA” advice columnist. She is also known as the Country Music Doctor, with her “Country Cures.”  She is a motivational speaker, professor of psychology & communications, the author of the well-known “Don’t Bet on the Prince!,” a test question on “Jeopardy,” NOW IN ITS SECOND EDITION, 99 Prescriptions for Fidelity, How to Win When Your Mate Cheats, and many more. She was the therapist in HBO's Emmy Award winner, "Telling Nicholas," featured on Oprah, where she guided a family to tell their 7-year-old that his mom died in the World Trade Center bombing.  DR. GILDA is the Love Doc advisor for the off-Broadway show, “Miss Abigail’s Guide to Dating, Mating, & Marriage!”  She is currently developing her own TV show.  Visit and get her Instant Advice!


Falling Waters in Kernville was fabulous.  I slept with the head of a stuffed caribou with enormous antlers on the wall.  He was adorable!  The owner of the complex told me he gave me this particular cabin because it was the most feminine of all the cabin themes he has.  I'm sure he believed that the caribou would keep me juiced!  

Allen and I had a great time target shooting.  I haven't done that in a long time, and I was miserable, hitting no target.  We were using only hand guns, although I can also handle a rifle.  I surely need more practice, which I will definitely get.  I'll have to search for a range in NY.  

We drove back to LA in freezing, snowy rain. Driving through the narrow and steep canyon with no guard rails, I planned to close my eyes.  But Allen kept assuring me that all would be well.  And it was.  

When we reached LA, it was raining heavily, albeit much warmer.  Still, I needed to wear a jacket.  In the evening, I met my dear friend Shelley at Agape for one of Reverend Michael Beckwith's best sermons.  Agape feeds me, and I'm sorry Allen couldn't be there because he wanted to see what it was all about.

The next afternoon, it was gorgeous and sunny again.  I met my actress friend Claudia for yummy Chinese food.  As I was waiting for the elevator back at my hotel, a man approached me and wanted to meet up later.  He was from London, and I was pooped.  No cheese in that tunnel!  I went to sleep early and arose at 3 AM for an early flight back to NY.  

Here I am!  I miss my California friends and that (usually) amazing weather.  I didn't even experience one earth rumble this time!  Now I'm back to reality, and I must follow up on all the business things left undone before I left, and all the new business things in CA I must attend to.  Traveling is very exciting, but sleeping on my own bed again is priceless.  Hi, again, New York!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Happy Valentine' Day, Everyone!!  How perfect for the Love Doc that my cabin at Falling Waters River Resort is named Romantic West!!!  It's just lovely here.  

Before retiring last night, I sat in a rocking chair in front of the fireplace and meditated.  I received information about some specular things I must do.  

Life is so peaceful in this place.  But the quick pace will return tomorrow when Allen Fawcett drives me back to LA for some exciting meetings.  

Meanwhile, we still have today, where we'll return to Charlie Busch's radio station and more . . .
Dr. Gilda

Monday, February 13, 2012

Falling Waters River Resort

On Sunday, I left Palm Springs for LA, only to sit in a traffic jam for the next 4 hours.  What a drive!  The excuse:  ROAD WORK!!  But I made tons of phone calls to friends around the country, and I totally caught up.

Once FINALLY in LA, I was greeted by Allen Fawcett, former teen idol when he hosted "Puttin' on the Hits."  He has since acted on Broadway as Joseph, in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and on numerous TV shows and soaps, including CSI and General Hospital.  I am lucky to have him as a business partner on one of my projects.  Together we drove up to Kernville, CA, which took another 4 hours from LA.  I am staying at Chuck Richards' Falling Waters River Resort in the most charming cabin that Chuck himself built, with a warm and delicious fireplace.  The scenery here is spectacular, reminding me of Aspen, CO.  The mountains are capped with snow, but the temperatures beneath them, where we are, are still BRRRR cold.  It's a far cry from the gorgeous temps in the 80's I just left in Palm Springs.  

Allen and I spent the afternoon at Charlie Busch's Kern River Radio station, where we chatted with Charlie and then recorded one of my Country Music features.  Charlie will be playing my features on his station.  We spent about 3 hours there.  Tomorrow we will return to the radio station for Charlie to interview me.  Allen and I also have some additional fun plans.

This was such a wonderful day, I hardly paid attention to the cold and the rain!  Allen took me to dinner at a Brewery.  The locals are warm, friendly, and very un-Hollywood.  But soon, I'll return to the H-wood scene for a few days before heading home.  This continues to be a very productive and exciting trip.  I am thankful and grateful to be enjoying such splendor.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Palm Springs Magnificence

After I finished delivering a presentation in Monterey Park to Chinese tour guides for our summer Pursuit of Excellence Institute, and being taken to lunch by a beautiful Chinese attorney, I returned to LA to collect my luggage, and head to Palm Springs--in traffic.  So for 3 hours, I was on the phone with friends from around the country, which made the trip much better.  The sun is glorious, and I didn't even mind the drive...

I just love coming here and staying with my dear friend, a well-known Deputy District Attorney nearby.  She, another friend, and I are like Charlie's Angels when we convene!  We had a fabulous dinner last night in the quiet of her gorgeous estate.  She was on call yesterday, and our laughter was soberly interrupted when she was summoned for advice regarding a person whose car was being repossessed, and who then stabbed the repossessor many times.  A bit pissed off?  Now this person will be charged with manslaughter--and she STILL won't have a car!!!  Listening to my friend's cases is always fascinating.  

Today the 3 of us plan to intermix with all the tourists currently vacationing here, and to do some girl shopping.  Tomorrow I must get into the car again and head back to LA where I'll meet one of my business partners and travel to a radio station almost 3 hrs north, that will be playing some of my Country Music features.  (See "Country Cures" on for further details.)  

This trip has been very productive so far, and I've made some wonderful new friends.  More to come...

Meanwhile, one of my's "Ask Dr. Gilda" columns is currently posted at:


It's called, "Help Me Harness My Cougar Potential."  I hope you'll have fun reading it!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Olympic Spa, LA

Yesterday was extraordinary!  Patty Yoon, owner of the world famous Olympic Spa, 4 McDonald's Franchises, and other businesses, hosted a women's luncheon in my honor.  It was a phenomenal group of very successful women with MEN on their minds.  So I was answering tons of relationship questions for them.

Lunch was followed by an amazing Bliss treatment at the spa.  It began with a mudwort soak, then jacuzzi, then . . . heaven.  Never in my life have I ever experienced such an extraordinary scrub, massage, and Shiatsu treatment.  I didn't think I'd get used to walking around totally nude during this treatment.  But when I saw that all the women, including noted celebs, were in the same state of undress, I just said, "Oh, well," and went for it!!  My personal pampering lasted almost 2 hours, and I didn't want to leave the heated jade stones I finally collapsed on.  I would have stayed there all night, BUT, Patty had a Happy Hour planned for me next, so I could meet another influential friend of hers.  WHAT A DAY!!  I made so many new and extraordinary friends that I'll remain in touch with.  Besides, most of them travel alot, and we can also see each other in NY.

But for sure, every time I'm in LA, I'm booking time at Olympic Spa.   How have I lived this long without it?  Patty, thank you for such a fab day.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Ahhh, California!

I'm having so much fun in LA.  Not only is it great to be away from my routines in cold NY, the warm weather inspires me.  Today I was on air with Josefa Salinas on KHHT.  We taped a Valentine's Day show.  Amazingly, I was in this same studio last year at this time, taping another V-Day show!!  Josefa and I laughed about that.

Yesterday I sat on the Santa Monica beach and meditated.  Some of my fave stores in this area have closed down, and that's a bummer!  Yes, CA is having financial difficulties like so many other places.  That's why the negative ions from the beach are so important to cherish.  No matter what happens around us, there is always the beach--and our culture is on its way to ruining that, too!!

Tomorrow will be an enormously exciting day.  More on that, tomorrow--or the day after.
Dr. Gilda