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Saturday, January 28, 2012

OPEN MARRIAGE, ANYONE??

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According to Madamenoire.com and Kenya Stevens, co-founder of Jujumama, a love-coaching company,there are  abysmal divorce and out-of-wedlock  rates in the black community. That is a serious problem that needs a solutions.

She and her husband Carl boldly put forth open marriage and sexual sharing as a viable option for both men and women, and on its face, give some convincing arguments for why some should consider it. The couple has recently gained traction in popularity–they’ve been featured in Essence magazine, the Michael Baisden Show,” and “The Mo’Nique Show” on BET. (Mo’Nique has also stated she and her husband are in an open marriage.)

Stevens essentially says that people have been brainwashed into thinking human beings were meant to be monogamous and that only four mammals in all creation are monogamous, which gives more credence to the human polyamorist ideal. She argues that Christianity and Islam are instrumental in shackling people into these rules and that believing in such things is for “peons.” Lastly, it’s “the government” that doesn’t want couples to share resources because it doesn’t present a cost-benefit.

Stevens freely admits that she and her husband are in an open, sexual marriage. “Not only do we tell the truth about who we are and what we feel and what we desire, we can act upon those things,” Stevens said. And in fairness, she also states that some people have non-sexual open marriages in which they tell the truth about what they desire, but don’t act upon them. “The can have emotional love relationships with others, but they just don’t get out of monogamy.”

The goal, she says, it not to pursue sexual relationships out of “lust,” but out of “love.”  Stevens said her husband has “lots of women,” and she has “lots of men,” but they have love relationships with them–it’s not just lustful sex. “We want to have an authentic love relationship with our partners. We’re not looking to have short-term one night stands, swinging, sort of, dangerous affairs. We want to add individuals to our community. I know my husband’s love partners, he knows my love partners.”

Stevens claims that the current marriage paradigm in the African-American community is so broken, it’s time to think differently. “I do not own my husband. I do no own his penis,” she says. However, she does admit the idea of a polyamorist marriage didn’t come to  mind when she and her husband made their wedding vows. It wasn’t until 11 years later that Stevens’ husband came to her with news that he was having “feelings of love” with a woman at work and was interested in acting out those feelings on a physical level. Initially upset by the idea, her husband tabled it until Kenya met a man at a convention that she felt “feelings of love” for and rushed to tell her husband. He encouraged her to pursue those feelings and ultimately the three of them planned for an opportunity for her to have a sexual encounter with her husband’s blessing.

It was through their personal experiences that they founded Jujumama, and together they counsel married couples about their newfound notion of “harmony.” I asked Stevens about what might happen if they counseled a couple where one partner desired to pursue an extramarital relationship and the other partner was resistant. I frankly asked, “Who wins? The “yes” or the no?” She told me that the “yes” partner must be patient and the “no” partner has to “go through a learning curve, and explore why they respond negatively.

Dr. Gilda Carle, a licensed educator,with a Ph.D. in Educational Leadership from New York University, congratulates the Stevens couple on their ingenuity on how they have parlayed their open marriage into a money-making enterprise, yet she remains doubtful. “[Open marriage] may sound wonderful as a make-believe fantasy, but I have never seen it work in the real world.” Dr. Gilda has authored over 15 books, including 99 Prescriptions for Fidelity: Your Rx for Trust. ” You have to wonder about people who are willing to be so passive.”

I asked Stevens about the possibility of these relationships becoming complicated through pregnancy or STD’s. She mentioned the rigorous use of birth control to prevent such occurrences, but she said that if by chance she were to get pregnant by a love partner, she and her husband would welcome that child as a blessing and raise the child together with the involvement of the birth-father. But, Dr. Gilda sees a problem with this scenario: “Who do they identify as the mom and the dad?”

Dr. Gilda adds that the common problems with these arrangements is the aspect of jealousy, which she says is hard-wired into the brain. Stevens, however, believes that jealousy is a childish emotion that should be chided. I mentioned Stevens’ response to Dr. Gilda and here’s what she had to say:  “Well she can proselytize that lifestyle all she wants to the people who follow her, and then they can come to me for therapy after they’ve given away their bodies along with their marriages.”

SOURCE : MADAMNOIRE.COM

Friday, January 27, 2012

DR. GILDA SAVES WOMEN FROM DEMI'S PLIGHT


Dr. Gilda is Out to Save Our Women from Demi’s Plight


www.Celebzter.com






Each day, the reports over why Demi Moore was hospitalized get even more heartbreaking. Across the board, one thing seems to be fact: She had a seizure and  her health has been in decline for some time.




People.com is claiming she didn’t try and commit suicide,, whilst TMZ is reporting that Demi is seeking treatment after a nitrous oxide-induced medical emergency.  So, where is Ashton whilst all this drama is unfolding? Oh, he’s out clubbing with young women.


Here’s Dr Gilda’s take on all this…





WHAT WE LEARN FROM DEMI'S MARRIAGE


By

Dr. Gilda Carle


It’s bad enough to find your husband cheating again and again. It’s also bad for each of his trysts to be broadcast in the media as you feel more and more betrayed and humiliated.  But the marriage between Ashton and Demi was no ordinary one.  And despite what anyone might think, their age discrepancy was not the issue!  It was the roles this couple played in each other’s lives that did them in.  Ashton is an immature child and Demi donned the role of “mommy” to her little boy.


These are the antics that continue to play out for this pair. The NY Post’s Page Six reports that Ashton continues to play with models, but then seek out Demi for consolation when he’s feeling lonely and down.




Ladies, what’s up with us?  So many of my female clients think they have to be the mommy to their men.  My chapter in “Don’t Bet on the Prince!” is titled, “Give From the Overflow, Not from the Core.” Yes, girls, give to your honey after you’ve first CARED FOR YOURSELF!  Demi became exhausted from overfunctioning for Ashton while underfunctioning for herself.  And look where she’s at now:  in rehab!!!   Warning:  Being a mommy to your man-child is dangerous to your health.





MADONNA BADGER'S GRIEF


Doctors Speak Out On How Madonna Badger Can Recover From Her Terrible Tragedy

Madonna Badger Suicide

Overcome by grief over the loss of her three young daughters in a tragic fire, Madonna attempted suicide — and experts tell HollyBaby.com exclusively how she can get the help and strength she needs to heal.



A heartbroken Madonna Badger, 47,  bravely made it through the funeral of her three young daughters and parents, who she lost in a Christmas Day fire, but in the weeks following she tried to take her life after clearly not being able to handle the extreme emotional pain. She’s now been released from the hospital, and experts that HollywoodLife.com consulted suggest how she can begin to cope with such a devastating loss.





The experts we spoke to say that while in the hospital Madonna would have been under constant supervision, been given mood stabilizers and kept from anything that she could use to harm herself. “She would have been getting psychotherapy or intervention — doctors would have been speaking with her, helping her identify” why she tried to take her own life, explained psychologist Jeff Gardere, Associate Professor at Touro College in Osteopathic Medicine.




“She undoubtedly is in the mindset of ‘if only,’” says psychotherapist Dr. Gilda Carle, author of How To Win At Love. “If only I had done this, done that… then this would not have happened. You know you just can’t do that to yourself. That will only make you more upset.”




Now that she’s out of the hospital, Madonna can take this step towards recovery:
  • Don’t place blame on anyone. “Just accept that this happened, this just happened,” says Dr. Carle. “This is one of those situations where no one can even begin to fathom that kind of loss, that kind of tragedy, unless it's happened to you.”


We hope Madonna will be able to somehow get through this very tragic time!

DEMI DID DRUGS IN FRONT OF RUMER!


Demi Moore: It’s Horrendous That You Did Drugs In Front Of Your Daughter, Rumer Willis!


Demi Moore

Demi — there’s no excuse for doing drugs in front of your children!



You are making your daughter “become the mother. Role reversal can do terrible damage,” says Psychotherapist to the Stars, Dr. Gilda Carle, of drgilda.com. "Rumer is being forced to act as the responsible parent, having to take care of Demi. She had to watch her convulse and lose consciousness and had to oversee her care at the hospital. In photos of Rumer outside the hospital where Demi was treated, she looks like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders.
What can end up happening is she will begin to resent not having a mother,” explains Dr. Gilda Carle, author of How to Win at Love.


– Bonnie Fuller


Dr. Oz + Dr. Gilda



The camera caught us IN ACTION, while Dr. Oz was asking me a question.  Of course, my mouth is always in motion anyway!!  Now everyone knows. :)



Wednesday, January 25, 2012

"I DRESS MY KID LIKE ME!"


Updated: Tue., Jan. 24, 2012, 12:36 PM

'I dress my kid like me!'

January 24, 2012

On a recent Saturday afternoon at the Carlyle Hotel, Cherie Corso and her pint-size companion, Julia, were enjoying an elegant lunch.

They both ate a plate of beet salad — “We always wind up ordering the same dish,” says Corso, 43, with a laugh — and their mannerisms mirrored each other’s exactly.

And just in case anyone was in doubt as to whether the pair were mother and daughter, their identical outfits helped spell it out loud and clear.

“We like to wear our Burberry for a ‘mommy and me’ day with lunch and shopping along Madison Avenue,” says Corso, creator of the G2 Organics skin- and nail-care products sold at Bergdorf Goodman.

“I bought a vintage Burberry skirt and had it shortened to look like Julia’s. I’ll wear my black mink, which I’ve kept since the ’80s because I’m an environmentalist, and she’ll have her faux black-fur jacket.

“We coordinate all the time and buy the same items in different sizes. My father says it’s like dress-up for us. I used to play dress-up with my dolls, but now I’ve changed up to a little girl.

“It’s fun and it shows that we’re very proud to be together.”

Corso and 8-year-old Julia, of Pelham, NY, subscribe to the celebrity fashion trend led by Victoria Beckham and Gwen Stefani.

The stars routinely dress their kids as mini-mes, kitting them out in clothes and accessories that copy their own.

Gwen Stefani’s sons, Kingston, 5, and Zuma, 3, frequently appear alongside the singer in plaid pants which match flamboyant jackets from her edgy L.A.M.B label.

Baby Harper Seven Beckham, impeccably turned out at just 6 months old, never clashes with her mom’s style or color scheme. In November, the baby’s $94 chocolate-toned Terre de Sienna onesie, nice and cozy for a flight from JFK, perfectly accented Beckham’s brown fur jacket. In an interview with Google+ last week, LA Galaxy soccer star David Beckham joked about his daughter: “Her wardrobe is ridiculous already. I’m glad I got a two-year contract!”

Meanwhile, Suri Cruise, 5, was photographed in 2010 holding a small, custom-made version of mom Katie Holmes’ $1,000 Salvatore Ferragamo handbag. Last October, the duo wore different colors of the same fluffy cape — Katie in black and Suri in cream — while visiting Dad, Tom Cruise, on the Pittsburgh set of his new movie “One Shot.”

Upper West Sider Jené Luciani, fashion expert and author of “The Bra Book,” might not be an established target of the paparazzi. But she and daughter, Gigi, 2, are always camera-ready — in coordinated clothes. “Gigi is a fashionista, and it’s all my fault,” confesses Luciani, who favors Missoni (she bought much of the Missoni for Target line for Gigi), Gucci and Fendi.

Their matching ensembles began when Gigi was first born.

“I got us pj’s and a sleep sack with the same pink-and-white stripe for our first night out of the hospital,” recalls Luciani.

“Her first Christmas, when she was 2 months old, she was wearing a houndstooth skirt and red sweater. So was I.”

The pair wear identical pink Juicy Couture tracksuits for classes at the exclusive kids’ club Citibabes. They also run errands in the $200 casual outfits. The family’s holiday card featured the pair in organza pink dresses with green trim, ordered from the Manhattan-based designer Lotusgrace.

Lotusgrace is among a number of upscale brands with lines for the mommy-and-me market. Hanna Andersson, Lilly Pulitzer and MamaOm offer adult and child versions of a variety of designs, ranging from summer dresses to sweaters and swimwear. The kid size generally costs between 25 and 50 percent less than the grown-up size.

“Celebrities are more visible, but many women who are interested in fashion enjoy dressing alike with their children,” says Jenny Feldman, senior fashion editor at the designer and boutique fashion Web site myhabit.com. Luxury design brand Aviva Stanoff has created a range of mother-and-baby cashmere hoodies from Mongolia at $310 for mom and $245 for baby.

“I was a girlie girl and always wanted to have a daughter,” says Elizabeth Amorose, 39, who runs a design business in Manhattan. The two routinely match their outfits for movies, meals out and parties. “People make fun of me because I’m very much a Martha Stewart, 1950s-style mom,” admits Amorose. “I dress Amelie like my mini-me because she’s at an age when I can. She won’t stay my little doll forever.”

Amorose’s foresight is a relief to psychotherapist Dr. Gilda Carle, of the Web site www.drgilda.com. Otherwise, she spots red flags. “The occasional bit of matching is fun,” Carle says. “Most little girls want to dress like Mommy because she is their first female role model.

“It’s when it gets to be a habit that you start to wonder. It’s common among insecure mothers who see their little one as an extension of themselves and live vicariously through them.”

So far, the only stress that new mother Leigh Rossini has suffered on this matter is flack from older relatives.

“They hate that I dress my baby exactly like me,” says the Brooklyn publicist, who has a 3-month-old son, Rome.

“Everyone over 60 insists he should be in pale-blue outfits, not black. But I say: ‘No way! He’s a rock ’n’ roll kid.’ ”

The 37-year-old always coordinates her boy’s clothes with her “hippie Goth” look. “The only time we’re not in solids, it’s patterns like skulls and motorcycles,” she says. “I just bought us matching skull-and-crossbones T-shirts from Bendel’s. The difference is mine cost $95 and is covered in rhinestones. Rome’s cost $65.”

This desire to present herself, daughter Amelia, 4, and son Daniel, 2, as a team also motivates Lark-Marie Anton, the vice president of public relations for Loews Hotels.

Anton, 34, will plan a harmonized look for special times such as Christmas, family portraits and trips to the theater.

“My daughter and I will often wear the same style of fur vest or skinny jeans. Amelia is at an age where she picks up on my looks and wants to copy them.”

Anton places herself in the Victoria Beckham camp of subtle coordination.

“You won’t ever find us dressing like the von Trapp family,” she shudders.


Sunday, January 22, 2012

Seal & Heidi: Do We Care?



Seal and Heidi Discord: Do We Care?


Six years ago, we watched as two seeming opposites fell in love, got married, had children, and ceremoniously and ostentatiously renewed their marital vows each year—with their kids in tow!  Could you hear the communal sigh, as people wished that they, too, could enjoy such romance?  But now there’s trouble in paradise.  Do we care?  Believe it or not, this couple’s marital discord does affect us! 


As a culture without a royal pecking order, we have become celebrity rubberneckers. Celebs are our royalty, and we look to them for templates of what we want and what we want to avoid.


Now we see that this celebrity couple is just like us.  In full view, we’ll watch as they discover that Cinderella’s castle is cracked.  I hope they’ll learn that cracks let in the light, our only source of growth. 


Anyone can divorce—and 50% of our population does.  But the true test is to ride the tide, and smooth the kinks that accompany life.  We will see whether Seal and Heidi have that kind of wherewithal, but meanwhile, we’ll be comparing their circumstances to ours. 


Happiness is easy in good times.  But it’s the rough ones that prove our true commitment.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Dr. Oz + Evamor Press Event

Last night, in the gorgeous, crisp New York air, we overlooked the beautifully lit city on the 44th Floor of the Hearst Tower in an elegant suite.  Waiters were serving delicious water with a healthful PH of 8.8, along with assorted delicacies.  


We were at a celebration to announce the launch of Evamor Alkaline Water's Official Sponsorship of HealthCorps, Dr. Mehmet Oz's organization that penetrates inner city schools across the country to alter the way teens eat.  Since Evamor is located in Louisiana, I met many people with those Southern drawls I love.  When one of the men said I was "perrty," we Northerners laughed.  We collected and distributed so many business cards that when I returned home, I found that I had none left!


I had invited some of my friends, including Megan Alexander, correspondent for Inside Edition, Vanessa Tyler, news anchor for WPIX and FiOS, my new editor at Today.com, Vidya Rao, and my Creative Director, Lawrence Pitonza.  I don't know where our photos with Dr. Oz will show up, but it was great meeting people who feel as strongly about this worthy cause as I do.  I look forward to combining our efforts.


After the event, Glenn Morris, a principal of Evamor, took me to eat at one of the city's best restaurants, LINCOLN, at Lincoln Center.  Glenn's not only a scientist, but also an explorer.  He came upon this magnificent eatery the night before, when he took in a couple of acts of Tosca (while I had to attend to a conference call.)  What scrumptious food!  Especially thrilling was the licorice ice cream.  We almost slid under the table in delight!  


As we exited the posh restaurant, Lincoln Center's fountains were spurting and flowing on one of the most beautiful nights New York has ever seen.  We were the only ones in this mass space, since the opera was still going on.  Glenn was appropriately cold, since he's from Mississippi, but I was toasty warm under a sweeping winter wrap.  We both agreed that it was a deluxe night.


Watch for great things to come from HealthCorps and Evamor!  I will definitely be in touch with all the wonderful people I met at this event.  






Sunday, January 15, 2012

CELEBRITY STORIES OF THE WEEK


CELEBRITY STORIES OF THE WEEK


www.Celebzter.com





Dr. Gilda gives her take on two of the biggest showbiz stories this week.



Dr. Gilda Carle, Relationship Expert to the Stars, has penned two letters with her advice for Khloe Kardashian and Heather Locklear.




She certainly has not only an interesting slant, but also some pearls of wisdom for both of these women, who have had quite a difficult week.






What is Heather’s Problem?

By

Dr. Gilda Carle
Relationship Expert to the Stars






As the public wonders whether Heather Locklear’s broken engagement to Jack Wagner is to blame for her alleged overdosing on prescription drugs, I have a different take on this issue.  I believe that no one can push us over the edge if we aren’t already on the rim.  Substance abuse is a Band-Aid some people think will dull their pain.  But using substances is not at the heart of the problem; it goes much deeper.



Years ago, while writing an article on celebrity successes, I interviewed Heather.  She was open, grounded, and together.  So what might have happened between that time and today?  No doubt, the superficial Hollywood life can take a toll.  In a culture of inflated boobs and egos and masks of every kind, many stars I counsel have lost their value for what is important.  And when all that’s important is being the star, what happens to those growing older, whose radiance begins to dim?  I think this is Heather’s issue now.  And all the rehab in the world will not help this gorgeous woman until she comes to grips with values that really count. Accepting change gracefully is a lesson we all must learn.







Khloe, Who’s Your Daddy?

By

Dr. Gilda Carle
Relationship Expert to the Stars






What devastating news it is for anyone to discover the man she thought was her father is not!  Whether this is the truth, it has to be unnerving for 27-year-old Khloe Kardashian to now have to deal with such an identity issue.  Frankly, do you or I care who sired this girl?




Many people are turned off by all the press the Kardashians have garnered, and consequently, this family’s ratings are plummeting. But let’s not also cripple an innocent girl’s self-image while we shut out her family!




Speak to Dr. Gilda here.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

New Year, New Life!

Hi!


Happy, Heavenly, and Healthy New Year to you!  May this year bring you everything you want, but also what you haven't even yet thought to want!


I started the new year as a new life.  See my latest TV appearance on Leah Guy's new show, Who's On Deck, distributed around the country:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KldzeUzBCBQ


I was scheduled to be in LA at this time developing my new TV show.  But an ankle injury from an auto accident needs to be addressed, and I have to remain in NY for another month.  Meanwhile, my team in LA are working hard in my absence.  


But I must share with you that God's timing is always perfect.  BECAUSE I was in NY, I was able to attend many meetings and events that I would have missed had I been in LA.  And I believe that several of these may change my life!  I'll fill you in on what's going on as soon as things develop further...


Whenever plans go awry, I first say, "Bummer!"  But I always follow that word with the question, "What am I supposed to learn from the new situation?" The answer is always, "PLENTY!"


Have you had some course changes that ultimately altered your life for the better?  I'd love to hear about them!!


Happy, Heavenly, and Healthy New Life!
Love,
Dr. Gilda
www.DrGilda.com


Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Dr. Gilda's Verdict on JLo & Marc


Dr. Gilda gives her verdict on Jennifer and Marc’s bizarre behavior


www.Celebzter.com




Dr. Gilda, The World’s Most Famous Relationship Expert, writes:



JLo and Marc Are STILL Connected!



By


Dr. Gilda Carle




Have you seen JLo’s relationship with a 24-year-old boy toy, and now her ex Marc’s relationship with a 24-year-old model?  Isn’t the number “24” a bit too coincidental? It seems that these 40-something parents have turned their once-contentious marriage into a competition for who can get the hotter and younger partner.  Of course, as adults, they can do whatever they like.  But their children are unconsciously learning the lesson that the role of parents is to compete with one another.  The irony of it all is that the more each tries to outdo the other, the more this couple is really staying connected!  Who do they think they’re fooling?



I think parenthood should require a license that demands courses in child development and self-esteem.  What do you think?


Love,
Dr. Gilda
Relationship Expert to the Stars
www.DrGilda.com

 














Monday, January 9, 2012

Abused Boyfriend


Abused Boyfriend


By
Dr. Gilda Carle


Courtesy of Match.com’s Happen Magazine 

http://www.happenmag.com/magazine/index.aspx?lid=396



This single dad wonders which decision he might regret more: getting a tattoo of his girlfriend's name to appease her — or refusing, and letting her walk out of his life. Here's my take on it.


Dear Dr. Gilda,
I have been in an eight-year relationship and it is verbally abusive. I am a single dad with two kids. In front of my kids, she calls me "stupid" and "idiot." Now she tells me if I don't get a tattoo with her name on it, she will leave me and move out. I know I shouldn't get the tattoo, but I know I will miss her if she leaves. Please help me!
– Unhappy, But...


Dear Unhappy,
What's the "But..." about in your sign-off? Is it that you're "Unhappy," but not unhappy enough to leave? Is it that you're "Unhappy," but not unhappy enough to be alone? Is it that you're "Unhappy," but not unhappy enough to tell your girlfriend that her name-calling, particularly in front of your kids, is off limits? This is how life works: We only remain in relationships in which we're deriving rewards. Every one of our life experiences provides us with a payoff of some kind. Sometimes these payoffs are pleasurable, and sometimes they're painful. Overall, people stay in painful situations because they fear being in a situation without any payoffs at all. This is probably what you're experiencing now.

Your girlfriend doesn't treat you well and now she's trying to bully you into getting a tattoo inscribed with her name, which you say you don't want. This tattoo may be her way of branding you as her property. So what's the payoff for you? See if any of these possibilities ring true:


1.            You grew up in a household where your mom or another female figure was bossy, domineering, and abusive in some way, so the relationship you're in now feels like "home."


2.            You learned that being without a love interest makes you feel lonely, so you've decided to settle for a bad relationship instead of having no love at all.


3.            You've gotten so accustomed to having this woman around that she's become like an old shoe that's already broken in. You fear . . .

Continue reading at




XXX
DR. GILDA CARLE (Ph.D.) is the internationally known Relationship Expert to the Stars.  She is Match.com’s “ASK DR. GILDA” advice columnist. She is also known as the Country Music Doctor, with her “Country Cures.”  She is a motivational speaker, professor of psychology & communications, the author of the well-known “Don’t Bet on the Prince!,” a test question on “Jeopardy,” NOW IN ITS SECOND EDITION, 99 Prescriptions for Fidelity, How to Win When Your Mate Cheats, and many more. She was the therapist in HBO's Emmy Award winner, "Telling Nicholas," featured on Oprah, where she guided a family to tell their 7-year-old that his mom died in the World Trade Center bombing.  DR. GILDA is the Love Doc advisor for the off-Broadway show, “Miss Abigail’s Guide to Dating, Mating, & Marriage!”  She is currently developing her own TV show.  Visit www.DrGilda.com and get her Instant Advice!