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Monday, December 26, 2011

HEF & EX BATTLE OVER CUSTODY OF DOG!


Hugh Hefner & Ex-Fiancee Fight 
for Custody of Dog!


PLEASE!  

When a couple battles over custody of a pet, it’s just another ploy to keep the pair together.  AFTER 6 MONTHS (!), someone in this mix is having separation anxiety over permanently parting.  I doubt if it’s Hef’s 25-year-old ex!  

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

BREATHE EASY


BREATHE EASY



Creating healthier environments with plants
Chris Karl

I recently met with an architect who designs healthcare facilities. He ranted about how he absolutely detests the use of live plants in the properties he designs. "I don't like that I can't control the life cycle of the plant and how it continually changes its look," he said with obvious disdain. I believe this obviously sedentary and obese architect has become, like many people in this country, so far removed from nature and healthy living that he has forgotten the benefits of greenery.
 

Green is good. More and more companies today are reducing or eliminating plants in the workplace to save money. They fail to realize, however, that this cost-cutting measure is short-term thinking that will compromise their employees' well-being. A growing body of research demonstrates that access to a natural environment indoors, where we all spend the majority of our waking hours, may improve health and well-being.


Being around plants reduces stress and engenders a feeling of well-being and improved energy in most people —a benefit that is even more acute if correct lighting is in place. Because plants have a large surface area and exchange water and gases with their surroundings, they have a unique ability to tackle and improve many environmental problems.


"A pleasing and positive workplace that is presented as a spiritually satisfying sanctuary with natural light and greenery is enormously beneficial for a person's well-being," said Dr. Gilda Carle (www.DrGilda.com), psychotherapist, author and professor. "Being able to access and enjoy surroundings that reduce stress and engage the senses is highly therapeutic for people."


Here are my selections for the top five plants, which not only heighten and satisfy our senses with their funky and trendy style, but also help to keep our workplace environments happier and healthier:
 

1. Ficus Pandurata. The Ficus Pandurata or fiddleleaf fig grows best in a high to medium-high light environment and is an interesting variation on the standard, well-known Ficus Elastica rubber plant. The large leaves can add a striking accent to the home or office.
 

2. Polyscias fabian. A native of Brazil, polyscias or geranium-leaf aralia or arilia fabian is an evergreen shrub or small tree with a compact habit. While it is widely used as hedges in the tropics, in the United States we use it as a beautiful, eco-friendly border as well as a captivating stand-alone "look at me" tree.


3. Dracaena Janet Craig Compacta Dracaena is a genus of 40 species of subtropical, evergreen, woody plants grown for their statuesque form and ornamental foliage. They are sometimes mistakenly identified as palms but are actually more closely related to lilies. The name Dracaena is derived from the Greek word "drakaina," a female dragon. The link between plant and beast is the resinous red gum produced when the stem is cut, which, when thickened, is supposed to resemble dragon's blood. It is used as a varnish and in photo engraving.
 

4. Philodendron Red Congo. Red Congo is a new and distinct cultivar of philodendron. It is a product of the cross between Philodendron 'Imperial Red' as the female parent and an unidentified cultivar of the Philodendron tatei. This plant grows vigorously in an upright but spreading or open manner. New Red Congo leaves are brownish maroon to almost red in color while the large mature ones are dark green in color with a touch of red.


5. Dracaena Marginita Character. Originally from Madagascar, Dracaena are known for their visually arresting ornamental foliage. An increasingly popular indoor plant in the modern workplace, the plant, which can grow up to 15 feet in height, is supported by an aged and knobby trunk which gives it a unique character.
 

Big impact. It isn't necessary to fill every available space with a plant to achieve a healthful atmosphere; just a few good-quality specimens located in select rooms, and where employees work or take their rest breaks, can be sufficient.


"The reasons why this has a beneficial effect are a subtle but complex mixture of the physiological (improved humidity, reduced noise, etc.) and psychological," said Kenneth Freeman, international technical director at Ambius who has led many research initiatives on the benefits of plants in the workplace. "Being around plants certainly seems to reduce stress and engender a feeling of well-being in most people, a benefit that is even more acute if correct lighting is in place. The fact that a workplace has been prepared to spend money on something that has no obvious function than to make the environment more attractive may also be a contributing factor, by sending a signal to staff that management cares about its employees and visitors.


"There is now general agreement within the scientific community that plants improve the indoor environment, and are useful weapons in the fight against the modern phenomenon known as sick building syndrome (SBS)," continued Freeman. "No specific cause of SBS has been identified, but poor air quality, excessive background noise and inadequate temperature and light control are thought to be important factors. Because plants have a large surface area and exchange water and gases with their surroundings, they have a unique ability to tackle many environmental problems."


In particular, plants can reduce levels of carbon dioxide, which can accumulate in buildings from the breathing of its occupants and the by-products of heating systems and electrical equipment. Plants also increase the relative humidity, which should be between 40-60 percent relative humidity for maximum human comfort. Plants reduce levels of certain pollutant gases, such as formaldehyde, benzene and nitrogen dioxide as well as airborne dust levels. Plants also reduce air temperatures and background noise levels.


Chris Karl is a design specialist for Ambius, a division of Rentokil Initial, which offers services to enhance the interior space for commercial industries.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

May this holy day of Christ's birth bless you with peace, love, health, energy, and happiness.  The greatest wealth we have is within us. All we must do is love ourselves enough to access it.  
God Bless You,
Dr. Gilda
www.DrGilda.com

Friday, December 16, 2011

HOW CAN I MAKE HIM FORGIVE ME??


ASK DR. GILDA

How Can I Make Him Forgive Me?

By

DR. GILDA CARLE (Ph.D.)



Courtesy of Match.com’s Happen Magazine 

http://www.happenmag.com/magazine/index.aspx?lid=396


Dear Dr. Gilda,
My husband left me three months ago. We were married for a year and a half. The night he moved out he was really angry and told me things that I did not even know he was feeling until then, like that he was not happy with the relationship because I'm very pushy at times, controlling, argumentative, I didn't appreciate him enough, and that our wants and needs were too different to stay together.


Since then, I've realized that everything he said was true. I love him so much and am willing to change so we can make things work. After three months, we still call and text each other frequently, see each other weekends, and he still hasn't told his out-of-state family that we are no longer together. I told him that I am changing to be a better person and willing to fight for our relationship; when asked, he says that he still has feelings for me, but he does not want to get back together because he strongly believes that we are better off as friends and getting married was a mistake.


Please give me some advice on how to make my ex forgive me and end this separation before he files for divorce and it's over for good!
Suddenly Seeing the Light


Dear Suddenly Seeing the Light,
What "light" are you actually seeing, honey? The "light" of your husband's criticism? The "light" of sudden solitude? The "light" of asking for forgiveness for being yourself? Your husband knew what your personality was like when he married you. And he still admits that he has feelings for you, despite your being "pushy," "controlling," and "argumentative." So what's this really about?


You are facilitating Hubby's one-foot-in, one-foot-out stance. You "still call and text each other frequently, see each other weekends, and he still hasn't told his out-of-state family that [you] are no longer together"— despite his insistence that your marriage was a mistake. So what's wrong with you, Suddenly? This in-and-out shuffling is perpetuating your pain. Either get professional help to fix what's broken or end your misery by divorcing. I assume you're intimate when you see each other on weekends. Yet he has made it clear that "he does not want to get back together..." What about that statement don't you understand? Why are you staying where you're not wanted?


Darling, you've conceded that "everything" Hubby criticized about you "is true." Everything? Are you sure? Twisting yourself into a pretzel to win his love will only make you unrecognizable to yourself. And even then, there's no guarantee your spouse will be happy with what you become. Examine closely what he really wants from you now. If he didn't feel appreciated while you were together, I'm sure he's feeling mighty now that you're begging him to return. Do you want a marriage based on the constant pressure to prove your love? When will you see how exhausting all this jockeying is? If an adjustment in your behavior really needs to be made, get counseling to guide you in making a productive self-change.


It takes two people to make or break a relationship. I don't like that you beg for forgiveness while Hubby exits with barbs. Ask these questions:

1.            What role did EACH OF US play in our marital demise?

2.            If we're still good communicators with feelings for each other, why aren't we seeking help to right our marital wrongs?

3.            Where does my husband see the future going with our alleged "friendship?"

4.            Would I be okay with the status quo if our separation continued indefinitely?

5.            How would I handle my husband telling me he's found someone new?


Currently, there is no discussion of what derailed your marriage, there is no acknowledgment of your husband's role in it, and there is no plan for your own self-improvement. Marital repair is never a one-sided job. Then again, Hubby isn't interested in repairing it, anyway! So, decide why you're willing to remain in limbo.


This is what you must do:

1.            Run — don't walk — to a therapist. You definitely need to find clarity.

2.            As my Gilda-Gram advises, "Abandon your hero worship for your husband. Even heroes get warts."

3.            Remember that you survived without this man before you met him, and you are capable of honoring your independence now.


No person should change just because someone tells her she needs to. Identify the behaviors that serve you and those that don't. Then, decide what YOU want in life. You may actually conclude that — shock of all shocks — YOU don't want him, either! Self-revelation opens eyes to enormous possibilities. Do the introspective work now so you can attract a man who adores you for exactly who you are.
Love,
Dr. Gilda


XXX
DR. GILDA CARLE (Ph.D.) is an internationally known psychotherapist, relationship expert, and product spokesperson.  She is Match.com’s “ASK DR. GILDA” advice columnist. She is also known as the Country Music Doctor, with her “Country Cures.”  She is a motivational speaker, professor of psychology & communications, the author of the well-known “Don’t Bet on the Prince!,” a test question on “Jeopardy,” NOW IN ITS SECOND EDITION, 99 Prescriptions for Fidelity, How to Win When Your Mate Cheats, and many more. She was the therapist in HBO's Emmy Award winner, "Telling Nicholas," featured on Oprah, where she guided a family to tell their 7-year-old that his mom died in the World Trade Center bombing.  DR. GILDA is the Love Doc advisor for the off-Broadway show, “Miss Abigail’s Guide to Dating, Mating, & Marriage!”  She is currently developing her own TV show.  Visit www.DrGilda.com and get her Instant Advice!

Friday, December 9, 2011

HAVE SEX, BURN CALORIES!

Hi, All,
I'm quoted in a fun piece called "Sexy Ways to Burn Calories" -- http://www.standardmedia.co.ke/InsidePage.php?id=2000048085&cid=300


Kissing burns 68 calories per hr.  MWAH!
Massaging burns 80 + calories per hr.  YUM!!
Sex burns 144+ calories per half hr.  WAY TO GO!!


PLEASE let me know what you think after you read the piece.
Love,
Dr. Gilda
www.DrGilda.com

Monday, December 5, 2011

MY HUSBAND WON'T INITIATE SEX


LOVE DILEMMA:
MY HUSBAND WON'T INITIATE SEX

TODAY.com



Love dilemmas abound, and here, in our latest installment of a weekly advice column, a TODAY.com panel answers a question from a reader dealing with a frustrating relationship issue.


First, let’s introduce our panelists:


The wise grandma: Kitty Schindler
At age 87, retired nurse Kitty Schindler is TODAY.com’s oldest regular contributor. One of 10 children raised by a Pennsylvania coal miner during the Depression, she offers advice from the perspective of a successful long-term relationship — a 61-year marriage.




The relationship expert: Dr. Gilda Carle
Dr. Gilda Carle at is an internationally known psychotherapist and relationship expert. She is Match.com’s “Ask Dr. Gilda” advice columnist. She is also author of 15 books, including "Don't Bet on the Prince!" 




 The sex therapist: Ian Kerner 
Ian Kerner, Ph.D, is a renowned sex therapist and author of "She Comes First" and "Love in the Time of Colic." Ian's journey to counseling grew out of his own personal battle with sexual dysfunction and his desire to help others.



Q: My issue is that my husband of four years does not initiate sex — never has. I am 39 and he is 35. This is a not a recent problem. I have always had issues with this. I know that he satisfies himself quite often, as we have had that discussion several times. I have talked with him multiple times about how it makes me feel. It's now been 14 months since we had sex and I am almost at the breaking point. I still love him as I did when we were married, but emotionally I am lost. 
Sexless and Stumped



Kitty says: Married four years and your sex life is zero! But why are you surprised, when you say your husband's very low sexual interest has been a factor from day one? It's time to face the fact that you want sex with him and he doesn't want it with you. And it's also high time to see a therapist — but only if your husband participates.
You may love each other, but marriage should be more than friendship. You guys need help now. This is a real problem, despite what he says.


Dr. Gilda says: Long ago, the way in which you set up your relationship placed you as the aggressor. This has always supported your particular brand of love. However, suddenly you are annoyed that your husband doesn’t take a more aggressive lead. Why? Are you feeling insecure about your relationship? When did this start? I think it has to do with your discovery that your husband does initiate sex after all, but it’s with himself. And you insist this initiation be with you.


You’re so angry about what he’s doing during his alone time that you’ve withdrawn altogether from sex. You can’t control hubby’s masturbation habits any more than you can control his bathroom habits. Get over it! Instead, encourage your husband to experiment with new moves, and to bring them to bed with you. Also include his self-pleasuring in your sexual excitement. This is a way for your routine roles to change, and for you to find some turn-ons you never knew before!


Ian says: In my opinion low male desire is a silent epidemic that rarely gets talked about. Men actually grapple with decreased sexual desire just as much as women, if not more. Those stereotypes about guys and their raging libidos are just that — stereotypes. If you're a woman with a healthy sex drive, it can be beyond frustrating to have a male partner who's less than enthusiastic about getting it on. Since you’re already talking about the issue, why don’t you ask him to take a porn break? That might give his libido a needed jump-start and allow him to direct his erotic energy towards you. Of course, you could always ask him to give you a guided tour of his favorite porn sites. Why not turn his self-pleasuring into some mutual pleasuring?


Please don’t give up. I know it’s easy to feel rejected, but right now you’re motivation to change the situation is the most powerful factor in actually changing it.


Do you agree with the panelists' advice? Do you have your own? Share it in the comments below.
Want the TODAY.com panel to answer your relationship questions? Click here to send them in!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

CAN SENIORS FIND LOVE?


CAN SENIORS FIND LOVE?

An “ASK DR. GILDA” Column

By


DR. GILDA CARLE (Ph.D.)



Courtesy of Match.com’s Happen Magazine 

http://www.happenmag.com/magazine/index.aspx?lid=396


Seniors keep asking whether it's too late for them to find love.  I say, "Are you kidding?  You've got all the time in the world--until rigor mortis sets in!"  OK, so how should they go about the hunt??  And is the pursuit of romance any different for seniors than it is for the rest of us?


Dear Dr. Gilda,
As a widower, I thought I wouldn’t have much use for a dating site, but my kids have finally convinced me to try online dating. Yet, after looking at a few sites, it seems that all of them have similar styles and don’t show the detailed information a man my age would care about. I’m 69 now and frankly, I’m lonely and the biography of the person is more important than the picture, although I would like to see both. In fact, I can find nothing that gives detailed information about a person’s goals in her senior years. Important information concerning how and if the woman wants to live with her chosen man are left out to make room for a bunch of boxes to check that have no meaning to me. Who cares about swimming? I’m too old to do anything but laugh at the sections about kids and sports and whatnot. To be honest, I don’t even care about sex. The most important thing to me is companionship and sharing my later years with a loving friend. How does a man my age find like-minded women without wasting time on these questions that don’t apply to seniors? Or is there a good senior dating site out there I don’t know about? Thank you.
Leonard, Lost


Dear Lost Leonard,
Your question stomps its foot and screams, “I’m lonely and I want to skip the getting-to-know-you formalities and find a woman TO LIVE WITH ME NOW!” Hey, Lost Leonard: quick rushes reflect a sense of desperation and worthy women want to feel special. By not vetting a partner properly, you could end up with someone who would cause you heartache. If you think you’re lonely now, your misery will expand tenfold with a terrible romantic mismatch!


I wonder if the reason you say you’re “Lost” is because you’re depressed without your wife. Depressed people are depressing people to be around. Perhaps you’d benefit from counseling to change your “Lost” mindset to one that is “Found” — and, incidentally, far more attractive to the opposite sex.


Dating involves meeting and greeting potential long-term mates. I’m sorry that you’ll have to put yourself out there that way, but it seems your only concern is your need for a quick love fix, even if it’s just friendship. You’ve got to show a woman you care about her and her interests.


So you actually need those (seemingly meaningless) “bunch of boxes” on the dating profiles you detest. They categorize people so you can find a partner who shares your favorite pastimes and outlook on life. While you might not enjoy swimming, someone else who does would appreciate knowing this information in advance. What do you think the “companionship” you’re seeking is based on? It’s mutual interests, Lost Leonard — mutual interests that you can both enjoy together! The “bunch of boxes” to which you object is where singles indicate these interests — and it would be a good idea for you to explore them.


And you don’t need a woman’s entire detailed biography to identify interesting partners. Online, singles offer generalities to eliminate security concerns and also to optimize the potential for dating adventure. Yes, dating IS an adventure where you can explore many possibilities, share your lifestyle preferences and judge who fits you best romantically.


This is what I recommend you do now:


•.               Define what YOU consider to be good “companionship” activities. Is it playing cards together, going to movies, taking walks, traveling, or what? Describe these activities in your profile.


•.               Consider the meaning of the word “fun” and make it part of your entire attitude.


•.               Post your profile on a large and popular dating site that offers plenty of different women to choose from while you’re looking for possible matches.


•.               Fill in those categorical boxes you hate knowing they are meant to assist you in finding not just any person, but the RIGHT person for you.


•.               Steer clear of telling women what you don’t like, regardless of whether it’s swimming or sex. Negativity is a turn-off to seniors anxious to optimize their golden years. Instead, enumerate what you DO enjoy so you can attract like-minded ladies.


The dating interests seniors have may be different from those of younger people, obviously. But the key to any successful romance lies in using a great deal of scrutiny during the selection process. As my Gilda-Gram advises, “Don’t pursue happiness. LIVE IT!” What you project, your dates will reflect. Be discriminating at the start and wisely select the RIGHT partner for you. That’s the fun of dating!
Love,
Dr. Gilda


XXX
DR. GILDA CARLE (Ph.D.) is an internationally known psychotherapist, relationship expert, and product spokesperson.  She is Match.com’s “ASK DR. GILDA” advice columnist. She is also known as the Country Music Doctor, with her “Country Cures.”  She is a motivational speaker, professor of psychology & communications, the author of the well-known “Don’t Bet on the Prince!,” a test question on “Jeopardy,” NOW IN ITS SECOND EDITION, 99 Prescriptions for Fidelity, How to Win When Your Mate Cheats, and many more. She was the therapist in HBO's Emmy Award winner, "Telling Nicholas," featured on Oprah, where she guided a family to tell their 7-year-old that his mom died in the World Trade Center bombing.  DR. GILDA is the Love Doc advisor for the off-Broadway show, “Miss Abigail’s Guide to Dating, Mating, & Marriage!”  She is currently developing her own TV show.  Visit www.DrGilda.com and get her Instant Advice!