Saturday, October 31, 2009

Great Gallery Opening

I went to a GREAT gallery opening last night at DLC on W. 26th St. in NY: I spoke to an amazing Australian artist who paints dark, intriguing work. He was funny and quirky. And his handsome friend, also from Australia, filled me in on the artist’s life. Then he asked to take a photo of my legs with the slit up the back of my pants. Since he’s an artist, too, perhaps I’ll see my legs duplicated in some gallery in Europe one day!

The opening also featured a 21st C bronze sculptor of female nudes, whose work I love!! Unfortunately, that artist was not there, but I had met him at another opening last year where I saw much more of his sculptures.

The crowd was eclectic, interesting, and some were bedecked in Halloween garb. A man began to talk to me, but he didn’t know the laws of social distance. He stood only 2 inches from my mouth. Knowing the laws of social distance is a must for anyone who goes out of the house. The rule is to stand about 15 inches from the person you’re speaking with. Anything closer gives the impression of intimacy. In the case of this dude talking to me, there was NO intimacy present there and there was not going to be any intimacy in the future. Perhaps he thought otherwise, and that’s why he stood so close. But my end of the conversation showed my body language as no. No. NO! Dude didn’t read me, so I moved on, mixed with others, and soon left. I felt like I needed a shower!

It was a gorgeous, warm October evening. I am so grateful to enrich myself whenever I can. Every experience I have and every person I meet expands me...

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Open Letter to Mrs. Letterman

Dear Dave Letterman's Wife,

Plenty of people defend their mates no matter what. The Craigslist Murderer was described as an “all-American boy,” an innocent-looking blonde med student “with a GQ smile.” His fiancé hung in with him until the evidence was absolutely irrefutable. The fiancé of the alleged murderer of the Yale lab student stood by her man after other women blasted him with sexual harassment claims, and even after the murder indictment. She insisted, “He is definitely not the best judge of character but, he is a good guy.” Ted Bundy was engaged to a “beautiful fiancé who never suspected his murderous tendencies.” And the fictitious Dexter, on his own TV series, is now married with a child. His wife, too, has no idea.

The terrible truth is that your mate doesn’t have to be a murderer for you to be involved in emotionally barren love. When gorgeous Christie Brinkley was divorcing Peter Cook after 12 years of marriage, she admitted, “I really didn’t know him.” That’s also what South Carolina’s First Lady said about her husband after she discovered his love for the Argentine Tango. And now I wonder, during 23 years together, whether you, Dave Letterman’s girlfriend-turned-wife, ever acknowledged his emotional distancing.

Women don’t own the franchise on not knowing who their mate is. A male client emailed me, “I am divorced now. We dated for 7 years, and were married for one. I don’t know why, but she cheated on me. I still love her.” I asked, “What do you love about her??” He couldn’t answer; after all these years, he didn’t even know who she was!

My concern here is for the partners involved with and even married to mates they barely know. A client I counseled just told me her middle-aged, white-collar husband has joined a rock band, his excuse to be mauled each night by adoring groupies. I had counseled her earlier that he seemed to have one foot out the marital door. She did not want to hear me . . .

Even if you fear the answers you may get, ask the questions you need to know. If your honey is evasive, find out why. If your sweetie is closed down, penetrate the metal armor. If your relationship is derailing, discover the reason. With all my clients, I examine the kind of relationship they REALLY had—beyond their comfy rationalizations. I ask what payoffs they were REALLY getting. And why they continued to hang in when their gut warned them otherwise—as it always does.

Vow never to be caught off guard again! If you remove your rose-colored glasses NOW, you can set the template for future love that is truthful and transparent! Please believe that you deserve it!!!
Dr. Gilda Carle

DR. GILDA CARLE is an internationally-known relationship expert, author, professor, and columnist of ASK DR. GILDA, published on Her best-selling book, “Don’t Bet on the Prince!" has become a classic. Her latest E-Books are "99 Prescriptions for Fidelity" and "How to Win When Your Mate Cheats." Visit her at