Friday, April 20, 2007

Why People Love Carrie Underwood’s Cheating Song!

I just returned from covering the Country Music Television Awards in Nashville, Tennessee. Maybelline was one of the major sponsors of this gig, and what a fabulous job they did! AND CMT ROCKS! I even extended my cable service at a higher fee to include this network on my subscription. The awards show has been playing repeatedly on CMT, and, although I was there live and in person, I continue to watch it again and again. (By now y’all know what a devoted country music fan I am!)

"Before He Cheats" is certainly a revenge song, and I promote just the opposite, that the best revenge is doing well—and then watching the cheater SUFFER when s/he sees your success! Ahhh, what power that exudes! But it's also a lesson in assertiveness and resolve. Her video shows her committing destructive acts against her cheater’s car. And she boasts about them as she sings, “I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped-up four wheel drive, carved my name into his leather seats…” Certainly not a model for anger management! But after she gets her knocks, she comes out of her rage with, “Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats. So, for the sake of all sisters, it might be argued that Underwood is teaching this guy how not to behave with the women who come after her! And then she asserts, “…because the
next time that he cheats, you know it won’t be on me.” Emerging from her rage, she resolves that she won’t ever find herself in this situation with this dude again! Good for you, girl!! Naturally, the song has become every cuckolded partner’s anthem to get out of Dodge!

Yet, I receive thousands of e-mails from people who were cheated on, and who return to their partners, to the same scene, to the same misery. Their rationalizations range from, “I don’t want to lose my standard of living, my life style, the house, having someone to care about me…” to “But I love him/her.” Oh, puleeeze! What can you possibly love about a cheater? As my Gilda-Gram says, “We attract not who we want, but who we ARE.” If you find yourself with a cheater, and you remain and complain, it’s ONLY because you feel you deserve no better. While them’s fightin’ words, the truth is the truth.

So what should you do if you discover you haven't been your partner’s one and only? Follow this other Gilda-Gram: “To change a cheater, change yourself.” You need not go to Carrie Underwood extremes to set boundaries. Simply say, “Sorry, bud, I’m not taking this treatment any more.” As soon as you lay down your limitations, you, too, will sing, “…because the next time that he cheats, you know it won’t be on me.” Ahhh, what a great feeling to know that YOU, not your cheating mate, now hold the reins to your life and future. Watch the sucker crawl!! Then decide to do whatever it is you want to do, but this time, out of STRENGTH, not anger or weakness. Let me know how it goes.

Dr. Gilda

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

"The Secret" of Relationships

For years, I have been teaching college courses in an accelerated business leadership program for adults completing their degrees. For as many years, I have also been conducting corporate workshops to increase the bottom line through enhanced business relationships. The required reading for all I do is my book, “Don’t Bet on the Prince! How to Have the Man You Want by Betting on Yourself,” published in 1999. While the title suggests a women’s self-help book (and it was written with that in mind), in reality, it is a guide to uncovering who you are, where you want to go, and how to get there. And happily, it has changed the lives of both women and men. (See

This year, something boosted my outreach to my audiences. “The Secret” took the world by storm. It pinpoints the Law of Attraction. This past week, as my students and audiences were reading my book, they were highlighting the similarities between my tenets and those of “The Secret.” Synchronistically, John Gray, renowned author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus," is a contributor to "The Secret," and he also gave my book a glowing testimonial on its front cover: "...Good advice, as provocative as it is sensible."

Just some of my Gilda-Grams in the book include, “We attract not who we want, but who we are.” And, “Amp up your attitude of gratitude,” And, “Instead of saying, ‘This is my problem,’ say, ‘This is my power.’” While my now-renowned Gilda-Grams are not the precise words of “The Secret,” their concepts are derived from the same credo of responsibility, respect, and living the Capital ‘I’ life, as I name it. Oprah said she was surprised to learn this was a “Secret” because she’s been living her life by these principles all along. As I walk my talk myself, that’s precisely how I feel.

I am so grateful “The Secret” is out. With this as a backdrop, now when I say that “Don’t Bet on the Prince!” is “The Secret” for relationships, everyone on the planet understands. My Gilda-Gram for having the relationship you want is, “Live the Capital ‘I’ Life, otherwise in lower case “i” you’ll attract lower case losers.” And that is because “We attract not who we want, but WHO WE ARE.” If you really, really, really want to enhance your relationships, complete the Self-Assessments in the book. (I originally developed them for myself when I was down and out!) They truly guide you to boost your life!

I just returned to New York from L.A. Whenever I’m there, I visit the Agape Spiritual Center, run by Reverend Michael Beckwith. Because he had been one of the featured speakers on “The Secret” and on “Oprah,” the Center was more mobbed than ever. But hearing him is worth it; he is an amazingly gifted orator. If you can’t get to Agape, buy some tapes or CD’s of his sermons. You will be enlightened and moved!

“The Secret” is out. Now it’s up to you to act on it! Don’t bet on the “prince”—whether it’s a partner, a job, a family member, a company, or a friend. Bet on yourself—and show the world you shine.

Watch my free live GildaVision responses to some of your e-mail questions (See Also, read some of my Bonus Columns--Free of Charge (See

For more personalized guidance, check out Dr. Gilda’s Guides (See and my Personal E-Mail or Phone Dialogues (See These personalized services are usually same-day, created so you can solve a pressing problem, and feel better immediately, as soon as you register.

Help is just a click away to achieving relationship fulfillment. Enjoying a healthy relationship is really not such a "Secret" after all. Don’t you believe you deserve more?